


A thousand miles from nowhere

by thegirl20



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2020-05-14 16:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 42,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19277293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/pseuds/thegirl20
Summary: Newly qualified vet, Vanessa Woodfield, wants to get away from it all for a while and takes a job on a farm in Emmerdale.  (AU)





	1. Wheat fields as far as I could see

A patchwork of green and yellow stretches out on either side of the winding road as her little car trundles along. There's no other traffic in sight and Vanessa allows her eyes to roam over the bright landscape, picking out the odd animal or tree here and there. She feels a bit like she's in the opening sequence of Postman Pat; endless snaking roads through infinite greenery, taking her deep into the Dales. It's where she wants to be. Far away from everything and everyone she knows. Time and space to get her head clear and decide what to do with herself.

She snorts. Newly qualified after five years of study and she still doesn't know where she wants her life to go.

Her mates are all off starting their careers in practices they'd made connections with during placements, volunteering or just networking. She did all that too. Even had a couple of offers of jobs when she qualified. But the idea of sticking around the same old places filled her with dread. She loves animals, and she  _wants_ to be a vet, she knows that for sure. But there were too many memories tied to her time at uni. To the people at uni. To the person she'd tried to be. She needs to get away from all of it so that she can try to find out who she  _actually_  is.

Rhona thought she was daft, of course. And, more than once, Vanessa's mother had bemoaned the fact that Vanessa wasn't more like Rhona. Sensible Rhona who'd set herself up with a sensible job and a sensible bloke.

Only there was nothing sensible about the way Vanessa felt about Rhona. She'd told her, once, how she felt. That she couldn't stop thinking about her. That she didn't feel like a mate was supposed to feel. That she thought about kissing her, holding her. That she loved her.

And Rhona had laughed at her. Called her a drunken idiot and kissed her on the cheek.

_Good one, Ness. You've had more blokes than I've had hot dinners._

And they never spoke about it again.

That laugh still comes to her in low moments. It wasn't cruel, or mocking. It was just-

 _Incredulous_.

Like Vanessa had suggested something so beyond the realm of possibility that it was laughable.

After that, Vanessa had tried to stop feeling that way. She went out with even more blokes, trying to find the one who could chase away the ache in her stomach whenever she thought about Rhona. It's not like she's  _gay_ or anything. She's been with tons of men. Rhona is just,  _was_ just, an aberration. She just mistook loving a really close friend for being  _in_ love, that's all. She's never been in love before, really, so she's got no frame of reference and everything just got jumbled up.

She just needs to get her head sorted. And getting away from everybody and avoiding making life decisions for a few months is definitely the right thing for her.

So, much to her mother's displeasure, she'd packed up her student digs into her old Beetle and set off for the Yorkshire Dales. She's planned as far as finding farm work to keep her going for the summer, then she'll decide what she wants. She loves being around farms. The hard work and routine of farm life really appeal to her right now. Something to occupy her mind with that's not exams or expectations. Or Rhona bloody Goskirk.

There's a sign up ahead and she strains her eyes until the lettering comes into focus.

 _Emmerdale_.

She smiles.  _Definitely_  Postman Pat territory. She follows the road into what is clearly a tiny village, looking out for signs of life. There's a shop, a garage and a pub. Of those three, the pub's going to be her best bet for getting a feel for the place, so she pulls into the car park and shuts off the engine. She gets out and stretches her back and legs, stiff from driving for so long. Grabbing her handbag from the passenger seat and quickly checking she doesn't look like a complete disaster in the wing mirror, she heads inside.

It's a traditional country pub. Lots of dark, polished wood and an unlit open fireplace. A blackboard lists several lunchtime specials and a few people are eating meals at the tables. Vanessa's stomach rumbles.

"Can I help you, pet?" Vanessa turns to find a friendly looking lady in maybe her late fifties leaning on the bar and smiling. "I've not seen you round here before and you're looking a bit lost."

Returning her smile, Vanessa nods. "Yeah, I was just-" Deciding it's not very polite to enquire about work without buying anything, she slides onto one of the stools at the bar. "I'll take a Diet Coke, please."

"Coming up." The barmaid lifts a glass and starts to fill it. "D'you want to look at a menu?"

Vanessa's about to say no when her stomach makes itself heard again. She flushes and nods. "Thanks."

The barmaid's warm eyes dance with amusement. "Yeah, I think you'd better before your tummy eats itself."

Her drink is set down in front of her and a menu swiftly follows. She's trying to decide between a toastie and a jacket potato when a yell from some room through the back makes her jump.

"Diane! Where's the Salt and Vinegar? We definitely got some in the delivery yesterday."

The barmaid - Diane - rolls her eyes at Vanessa. "Voice of an angel, that one. I better go and help her."

She heads through the back and Vanessa finally decides what she wants for lunch. Well, what she  _really_ wants is one of those great ruddy plates of steak pie, but the demands of her final year at uni didn't leave a lot of time for earning, so she'll need to stick with the cheaper options for now.

When Diane returns, she's accompanied by a younger woman with long, jet-black hair who heads to the other end of the bar. Diane lifts her eyebrows. "Made up your mind yet?"

"I'll take a cheese and onion toastie, please." Vanessa hands the menu over, biting her lip. "And, if it's not too much trouble, maybe a bit of advice?"

"'S'long as it's not about your love-life, I'll give it me best shot." Diane leans her elbows on the bar.

Vanessa feels a blush creeping up her neck and she shakes her head. "No, not about...God, no. Not that I've got much of one to speak of."

"Pretty lass like you?" Diane frowns. "Thought you'd be beating them off with a stick."

"Well, that's-" Vanessa clears her throat, deciding that a change of subject is in order. "I'm looking for work for the summer and I wondered if you knew of anything going locally."

Diane sucks in a breath through her teeth and wrinkles her nose. "Not many jobs round here, pet. It's such a little village, you see." She tilts her head, obviously noticing Vanessa's shoulders slump. "What kind of work is it you're after?"

"I'd take anything, but I was looking for farm work, really."

"Oh!" Diane's eyes light up. "You might just be in luck there." She turns and beckons the younger woman over. "Chas, isn't your Charity looking for a farmhand?"

Chas comes over and stands by Vanessa, setting down the glasses she's been collecting. "Yeah, she managed to frighten another one off. Why?"

Diane nods to Vanessa and Vanessa sits up straight, trying to present a positive and professional image. "This young lady is looking for work."

Chas gives her a once over and turns to Diane, one eyebrow raised. "And you want to send her to our Charity? What's she ever done to you?" She looks back at Vanessa. "If you are in any way easily offended or have a thin skin, then turn back now."

"Oh, no, I'm not easily offended." She shakes her head and smiles. "I've worked around farms a lot. I know what's what. I can handle myself."

"I've no doubt about that, love. It's our Charity I'm wondering if you can handle." Chas rolls her eyes. "But, if you're sure, wait here."

Chas heads out into the foyer Vanessa had entered through and Diane gives her an encouraging smile. "I'll put your order in with the kitchen."

Chas comes back and hands Vanessa a handwritten flyer. "She pinned that up the other day. I haven't had any other enquiries about it so I doubt she's got anyone yet.

_Farmhand wanted. Holdgate Farm._  
_Digs provided if required._  
_Skivers and posers need not apply.  
_ _Ask at bar._

"Well." Vanessa says, giving Chas a tentative smile. "Definitely to the point."

Chas grins. "That's the nicest description of her I've ever heard, to be honest."

Vanessa tilts her head. "I can't help but feel like you're trying to put me off this job. Is it...is there someone else you want to get it or-"

A hand lands on her arm and squeezes, gently. "Look, I'm mostly kidding, yeah? Our Charity is...well, she's not the easiest person in the world to get along with, and I wouldn't want you going up there expecting to find some big, jolly farmer with a bit of straw hanging out of his mouth. Charity's...her bark is worse than her bite." Chas raises her eyebrows. "Contrary to popular belief round here, she does actually have a heart tucked away somewhere." She winks. "Just doesn't let a lot of people see it."

"Okay." Vanessa nods. "I can cope with that. I can bark with the best of them, if need be."

Chas laughs at that and pats her shoulder. "Then you should be just fine. She quite likes it when someone stands up to her."

Diane deposits her toastie on the bar and her stomach growls again at the smell. She takes a bite and chews, feeling more positive than she has in a while. This might just all work out for the best.

* * *

Armed with the directions Chas gave her, Vanessa heads off to Holdgate Farm. Chas had said it was only about half a mile from the village, and she finds it easily, the big house standing out against the stunning backdrop. She drives up the access road and spots a woman lugging stuff into the back of a pick-up.

Vanessa sits with the engine turned off, watching as the woman jumps up into the bed of the truck, securing whatever it was she'd put there. She's wearing tight jeans and a pair of weathered riding boots, with a navy blue shirt tucked into her jeans. The buttons on her shirt are undone, revealing glimpses of a white camisole. If Vanessa didn't know better, she'd swear every movement the woman made was in slow motion.

Catching herself staring, Vanessa whips her head around and starts fiddling with her bag in the passenger seat. She hadn't thought to ask Chas what Charity looked like, but if this is her, then...

She's  _gorgeous._

This was  _not_ part of Vanessa's plans when she decided to get away from everything. Trust her to find the one farm in Yorkshire run by a Greek goddess when she's trying to get her head straight. Bugger.

A loud knock against the car window makes her jump and she turns to find the woman looking at her, frowning. Vanessa opens the door, waiting for the woman to step back first, and gets out. She smiles.

The woman doesn't return it. "Can I help you?"

Vanessa can definitely hear that bark that Chas was talking about. "Hiya. I'm, uh, I'm looking for Charity Dingle?" She swallows. "Is that you?"

The woman crosses her arms. "Depends. What is it you're after?"

"Oh." Vanessa had expected an answer one way or another. "Well...I've come about the job. Chas in the pub said you...or...well, Charity, was taking folk on."

Green eyes drift down her body and back up, and Vanessa has to stop herself from fidgeting under the scrutiny. The woman meets her eyes again and laughs. "Look, I don't know what Chas has been telling you, but it's a farmhand I'm after, babe, not a secretary."

So it  _is_ Charity, then. "Yeah, I know." Vanessa nods, keeping in mind the bit about Charity liking people who could stick up for themselves. "She showed me your leaflet."

Charity takes a step closer to her, meaning Vanessa has to look up to hold her gaze, emphasising the difference in height between them. "And you think you're the one for the job, do you? Hefting hay bales and shunting cows around the place?"

Vanessa squares her shoulders. "And what makes me any different from you?"

A hint of smile flashes over Charity's mouth, before she adjusts it into a smirk. "Well, I'm the boss, you see. So I give out the orders, I don't do the grunt work." She shakes her head. "And I'm not gonna take on someone who looks like she'd fall over in a stiff breeze. I need a grafter."

Vanessa's mouth drops open. "And you think I can't graft?" Suddenly a summer working here isn't holding much appeal. "It's fine. Never mind. I didn't realise you were one of those farmers."

A change comes over Charity, her face hardens and she seems to get taller. "One of  _what_ farmers?"

Unfortunately, Vanessa chooses to answer. "Rich folk that buys their way into farming. Doesn't like getting their hands dirty."

Charity tilts her head, eyes . "That's a pretty big gob you've got for such a little person. Especially a little person who has no idea what she's talking about."

Vanessa presses her lips together and looks down. Her mother's always going on at her to keep her mouth shut and not just say the first thing that comes into her head. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I just...there's not much work going and I..." Her shoulders sag. "Sorry. I'll leave you to get on."

She goes to get back into the car and leave with her tail between her legs, but a strong hand grasps her shoulder.

"Wait."

Vanessa turns, hopeful. "Yeah?"

Charity's mouth twists at one side, like she's weighing something up. "I was just about to go and get one of my boys to repair a fence up in the top field." She sighs, looking Vanessa up and down again. "Tell you what. If you can do it, you've got the job."

"What? Really?" Vanessa nods, almost catching herself with the car door as she closes it. "Absolutely. Yeah, I can fix a fence. No problem. D'you mean now or…?"

"You're keen, at least. That's something." Charity strides away, towards the pick-up and Vanessa has to half run to keep up with her. She secures the back of the truck and gets in, Vanessa sliding into the passenger side a second later. The drive is mostly silent. Charity makes no conversation and Vanessa's kind of scared that if she opens her mouth, she'll say the wrong thing and scupper her chances again. So she makes do with looking out of the window at the farm. It's a nice property. Seems to be mostly grazing for cattle, but they pass a stable and there were a few chickens pecking around in the yard.

They reach the high field and Vanessa can see where the damage is in the fence. Eager to show Charity that she's not some feeble little girl, she hops out of the truck almost while it's still moving, and has got the roll of wire out of the back before Charity makes it round to join her. She hefts it over to the fence, and drops it on the ground. A toolbag lands at her feet a moment later and she quickly gets to work. Charity leans against the side of the truck, looking bored. But Vanessa's not fooled; she knows Charity's watching every move she's making. That thought causes some interesting reactions in her body, but she concentrates on quickly and efficiently removing the damaged section of wire, and replacing it, confident that she's doing a good job.

"It's beautiful out here," Vanessa murmurs, as she's finishing up, packing the tools back into the bag.

"Yeah, today maybe." Charity looks past Vanessa at the rolling fields. "It's not so beautiful when you're trying to do that in horizontal rain and gale force winds, I can tell you that."

"Thought you didn't do the grunt work," Vanessa says, offering a cheeky smile to show she's joking.

Charity smiles in return and pushes away from the truck, dusting her hands on her jeans. "We all muck in and do what needs doing, round here." She lifts her chin. "You up for that?"

Vanessa has to clench her hands into fists to keep from reaching for Charity and giving her a hug. She manages to stay still and nods, trying to give off an air of cool. "Yeah. Totally."

Something hard and sturdy bumps her shoulder from behind and she stumbles a few steps, turning to find an inquisitive cow from the next field over for a look.

"Well, hello there." She rubs the cow's head, between its ears. "Aren't you a pretty one, eh?"

"This gonna be a problem is it?" Charity's voice is closer than she expected, almost directly in her ear. "You flirting with the livestock?"

Vanessa glares playfully at her before returning her attention to the cow. "Don't you listen to her, love. You're not my type."

Charity leans against the newly repaired fence, watching the interaction with interest. "You seem comfortable around animals. Grow up on a farm?"

"I'm, uh...I'm a vet, actually." Vanessa feels stupid even saying that. It feels like it's a lie. Only grown-ups who've got their lives together should get to be vets. "Just graduated, I mean. So, like, not an actual vet with a job or anything."

Perhaps for the first time since they met, she watches Charity's face betray an actual emotion; surprise.

"You're kidding." Charity frowns, like she can't get her head around this concept. "So, let me get this straight, you're a fully qualified vet and you've come here to shovel up cow shit for me and get paid a pittance?"

Vanessa sighs. "I just needed some peace, I think. Away from everyone and everything." She shrugs. "This seemed like a good place for that."

Charity nods. "Well, that's your lookout, I suppose." She nods. "You seem to know your way around a farm, and you might save me a few bob on vet bills."

"Oh, I can't-" Vanessa shakes her head. "I mean, you'd need to get your own vet out for-"

"For the big stuff, yeah, course." Charity rolls her eyes. "But you can handle some of the bits I have to get Paddy flamin' Kirk up here to deal with. He charges me through the nose for the tiniest thing."

"I'll definitely do what I can."

"S'pose you best tell me your name." Charity tilts her head. "I didn't ask before. Thought I'd better not get attached if I wasn't going to keep you."

And of  _course_ that makes Vanessa blush like an idiot. She hopes it just looks like exertion from fixing the fence. "It's, uh, Vanessa." She holds out her hand. "Vanessa Woodfield."

"Nice to meet you, Vanessa Woodfield." Charity lifts an eyebrow. "So, super vet and fence fixer extraordinaire. What other talents you got hidden away, then?"

Vanessa smiles and shrugs. "S'pose you'll have to wait and see. Can't give away all my secrets at once, can I?"

Something passes over Charity's eyes at the mention of secrets and Vanessa wishes she'd never spoken. But the look is gone quicker than it came and is replaced by a challenging smirk. "I'll look forward to that."

* * *

They pack the stuff in the back of the truck and head down to the farmhouse again. This time, Charity starts the conversation.

"So, where you staying?"

Vanessa's stomach drops. She'll never be able to afford rented accommodation. "The, uh, the advert said digs."

"Well, yeah, but I was kind of counting on a bloke, babe." Charity looks at her like she's stupid. "I've got an outhouse round the back that the boys sleep in but-"

"That'll do fine." Vanessa beams. When Charity looks at her doubtfully, she continues. "Honestly. I've been sharing halls and flats with all sorts of people for years. I can cope with a few lads."

Charity parks the truck and puts on the brake, turning slightly in her seat to look at Vanessa. She shrugs. "Well, if you're sure." Charity nods over Vanessa's shoulder. "Here come the brothers Barton now." She turns to see two young men heading across from the next field, punching each other in the arm. Charity sighs. "Honestly, they're worse than a pair of toddlers at times."

"Just typical blokes, then?" Vanessa asks, getting a smile and a nod from Charity as they get out of the truck.

As they draw closer, Vanessa can see that they're both handsome, well-built guys. Guys Vanessa  _should_ want to get to know better, but her treacherous body refuses to react as it should. As she wants it to.

"Oi, oi." The shorter of the two speaks, wiggling his eyebrows. "Who's this, then?"

"This is Vanessa." Charity glares at him. "And she's gonna be working with us. So try and behave, yeah? Don't want her frightened off before she's even started."

He laughs. "I'm not the scary one round here, boss lady."

Vanessa sticks out her hand for a handshake, to diffuse any situation that might be about to arise. "Nice to meet you."

"Ross." He takes the offered hand and lifts it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles and grinning up at her. "Charmed, I'm sure."

Great, he's one of those cocky ones. She smiles at him as genuinely as she can, but his brother nudges him out of the way, shaking his head. He looks much more friendly than the other one. A nice, down-to-earth bloke.

"Pete. It's nice to meet you, Vanessa." They shake hands and he nods to his brother. "Sorry about our kid. He goes a bit overboard around pretty girls, you know?"

She blushes at the compliment, which doesn't feel like a line, for once. "It's fine."

Ross holds his hands up. "Well, forgive me for getting excited about having a bit of totty round here, for once." Vanessa notices his eyes flicking to Charity, the words obviously meant as a barb. Charity just rolls her eyes.

"Oi, you. You just keep your mind on your work and your hands to yourself, yeah?" She throws an arm out to Vanessa's car. "The pair of you can help Vanessa move her stuff in, for starters."

Ross salutes and holds his hand out. "Got your keys there, love?"

"Oh, it's open." The car is so old that the locks are sometimes unreliable. "There's just a suitcase in the boot and a couple of boxes on the back seat. I can carry them mys-"

"Don't be daft." Charity cuts in. "Let these two do your heavy lifting while you get the chance. That's what they're here for."

"Gives us a chance to show off our big muscles, don't it?" Ross makes his pecs jump under his shirt, which is both disturbing and strangely hypnotic. Pete shoves him in the direction of the car.

While the boys are getting her stuff, Vanessa turns back to Charity and smiles. "Thank you for this. You didn't have to give me a chance after I was gobby to you."

"You're right, I didn't." Charity narrows her eyes. "And don't think I'll always be such a soft touch, lady. I work hard and I expect the same from my lads." She frowns. "My, uh, people."

Vanessa grins. "I've been called worse. And I won't let you down. I promise."

A slight raise of one eyebrow indicates that Charity doesn't quite believe her, but she nods over Vanessa's shoulder. "Go on. Go and get settled in. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning."

It's all Vanessa can do to stop herself from bouncing on the spot. She nods. "Looking forward to it."

Charity rolls her eyes. "Laying it on a bit thick there, babe. No sane person looks forward to slopping out cow sheds at daft o'clock." She points after the boys. "You better go before Ross moves you into his room. I wouldn't put it past him."

With a final smile, Vanessa practically skips after Ross and Pete to the little cottage down a lane from the main house. It's very quaint, if a little run down. She follows the boys inside and up a dark little hallway.

"S'nothing fancy," Pete says, as he opens the door. "But there's a bed and wardrobe and that."

Vanessa has to blink when she enters the room after Ross, the light from the window blinding after the dim corridor. When her eyes have adjusted, she walks to the window and looks out on an endless rolling sea of fields. Her chest loosens and she breathes in deeply through her nose, ignoring the slightly musty scent of the room.

"It's beautiful," she whispers.

"Easily pleased. That's good to know." Ross says, from behind her.

She turns and fixes him with the most unamused expression she can conjure up, but he appears not to notice. She shakes her head and shifts her attention to Pete.

"So, Charity seems dead young to have a place like this. Did her parents leave it to her or summat?"

"No, she-" Pete goes to respond, but Ross cuts him off.

"Depends who you ask, love." He wiggles his eyebrows. "Her very old, very rich husband popped his clogs and left her the farm." He winks. "If you ask her family, she's just unlucky in love. If you ask his sons, she's a money grabbing little scrubber." He holds up his hands. "I'll let you draw your own conclusions."

"Shut up, you." Pete punches Ross in the arm, earning a glare as Ross rubs the sore bit, skulking out of the room. Pete continues once he's gone. "Look, you'll hear all sorts about Charity round here, but all I'll say is that if you play fair by her, she'll play fair by you." He shrugs. "She's worked hard to keep this place going when loads of people said she couldn't. You've got to admire her for that."

Vanessa nods. "Well, I've always believed in judging people on what you see them do, not what others say they do."

Pete smiles. "Then I reckon you'll do just fine." He rubs the back of his neck. "Look, I'll leave you to settle in. It's my turn to make dinner and I was gonna do a spag bol if you're interested?"

Housemates that can cook. Result. She nods. "Sounds brilliant. I'll put some of my stuff away and then come and join you, yeah?"

Once alone, Vanessa returns to the window and is so surprised to see Charity in one of the nearby paddocks that she quickly steps back, out of sight. Chiding herself for being ridiculous, she creeps forward again, noting that all of Charity's attention is focused on the solitary horse in the field. She watches the animal approach Charity, then turn and trot away. Vanessa's seen enough animals to know this one's skittish, but the longer she watches, the closer the horse gets to Charity, who's standing still with her hand outstretched.

Eventually the horse stops bounding away and comes close enough to smell Charity's hand. Vanessa watches as Charity slowly lifts her hand, telegraphing all of her movements, and strokes the horse's muzzle. Without realising it, the scene has coaxed a smile out of Vanessa. Any lingering concern from Ross' description of Charity evaporates as she observes her with the horse. No-one who is that gentle and patient with animals can be all bad.

Turning away from the window, Vanessa looks around the simple, bare room and smiles. The summer stretches in front of her, warm and inviting and unknown.

Yeah. She thinks she's going to like it here.


	2. Both needing something from each other (Not knowing yet what that might be)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa settles in at the farm.

The rhythm of farm life comes easily to Vanessa, and she settles into the routine at Holdgate quickly. She naturally gravitates towards the tasks involving the animals; revelling in the early morning milkings and feedings. Ross teases her about being so chirpy early in the morning, but she's learned that he's harmless and she teases him right back about the amount of gel he uses in his hair before mucking out cows.

Pete's a total sweetheart. Nowhere near as loud and showy as Ross, he gets his head down and gets on with it. Charity seems to appreciate this work ethic, and Pete is her go to person whenever she needs anything done. Vanessa's watched their interactions with interest. Part of her wondered if Pete's defence of Charity the first day she'd arrived had been because they were involved with each other. But she's not seen anything that would indicate as much. They get on well, but there's no romantic spark there. He's the same way with Charity as he is with Vanessa; nice, friendly, kind.

By rights, Vanessa should be after him by now. She would've been back at uni. Probably would've been in his bed that first evening. But out here in the middle of nowhere she doesn't have to play that character. Nobody knows her, nobody expects her to act a certain way. And that, even more than the wide open spaces, makes her feel like she can breathe. Like she's finally free.

She's been at the farm about a week when she finds Charity hovering around the yard, wringing her hands. Vanessa frowns.

"Everything alright?"

Charity tenses, like she hadn't even been aware that Vanessa was near her. "Eh?" She recovers quickly. "Oh, uh, yeah. I'm just waiting on Paddy to come up to do routine check-ups on the horses."

"Paddy, as in, the vet?" Vanessa brightens. "Can I meet him?"

Frowning, Charity checks her watch. "Weren't you on milking?"

"All done." Vanessa resists the urge to boast about how she'd immediately seen ways to make the milking more efficient.

"I knew them boys were dragging it out longer than they needed to," Charity mutters, almost to herself. "Right, fine, stay and meet Paddy. I wouldn't get your hopes up though, babe. He's not exactly God's gift."

She's barely finished speaking when a Land Rover appears at the end of the road, followed by a huge Range Rover. Charity lets out a groan. "What's he brought  _her_  for?"

"Brought wh-" But Charity's already storming off to meet the first car before it's even come to a full stop. A large man gets out and Charity's in his face immediately.

"What's  _she_ flaming well doing here?" She throws her hand out to the woman getting out of the Range Rover "I asked for  _you_ didn't I?"

The woman in question, an attractive brunette with large brown eyes, smiles. It's not a friendly smile. "It's lovely to see you too, Charity."

Charity scowls and crosses her arms. She shifts her attention back to Paddy. "I am  _not_ paying double just because there's two of you."

"Of course not." Paddy shoves his glasses up his nose, blinking. "It's j-just….you know how finicky some of your animals can be, and it'll j-just be quicker if the two of us-"

"Whatever," Charity sighs, cutting him off. "But in future you can leave  _her_ back at the office." She looks over her shoulder and beckons Vanessa closer with a jerk of her head. Vanessa darts forward to stand beside her, surprised when an arm wraps around her shoulder, yanking her against Charity's side. "Got my own little freshly qualified vet right here. And she's  _much_ cheaper than you lot."

Vanessa tries to laugh, and think of something witty to say with regard to not being cheap, but she's having to concentrate quite hard on breathing at the moment and, for some reason, her cheeks have gone all hot.

"What?" Paddy looks between herself and Charity. "Seriously?"

Vanessa nods. She tries her best to look like a grown-up. "Just graduated a few weeks back."

The woman steps forward, holding her hand out. "Zoe Tate. It's lovely to meet you-"

Realising the pause is one she's expected to fill, Vanessa takes the offered hand, feeling a little uncomfortable under Zoe's intense gaze. "Vanessa. Woodfield." Charity's arm slips off her shoulder. "Nice to meet you."

"So, where'd you study?" Paddy asks, getting his bag out the back of his car.

Vanessa shoves her hands in her back pockets, casting a glance at Charity and finding her eyes on Zoe, a scowl still firmly in place. "Liverpool."

"And you're working  _here_?" Zoe asks and Vanessa can't quite decide what the tone of voice is she's using, but it sets her on edge. "Any reason you've not gone into practice? I've seen a few traineeships advertised in the journals recently."

She goes to mumble some lame answer when Charity beats her to it. "This what I'm paying through the nose for, is it? For you to stand around here giving my staff the third degree?" She clicks her tongue. "Tell her it's none of her business, babe."

"Well, listen, d'you want to give me a hand with these check-ups?" She's grateful for Paddy's intervention. He's clearly as uncomfortable as she is, his eyes flicking between Charity and Zoe. "Th-that is, if you're not, you know, busy or anything."

Vanessa shakes her head, smiling at him to convey her gratitude for the offer. "There's already two of you. I'd only get in the way and I'm sure Charity has other jobs for me to be getting on with."

"If you're free to give Paddy a hand, I'll head off," Zoe says. She moves a little closer to Vanessa, lowering her voice as if sharing a confidence. "The Lady of the manor is clearly displeased by my presence."

"Wow," Charity says, widening her eyes. "You've learned to take a hint, then? Well done." She glances at Vanessa. "Fine. You help him."

Zoe ignores her and squeezes Vanessa's arm. "Great meeting you, Vanessa. And please do feel free to stop by the surgery any time. Paddy and I would be happy to let you scrub in, get some volunteering experience to spruce up the old CV." She smiles. "And we can always ask around the area to see if anyone's looking for a trainee."

"Oi!" Charity takes a step towards them and Zoe lets go of Vanessa. "Stop trying to poach my staff, yeah?"

A look passes between them that Vanessa can't read, but she hopes she's never on the receiving end of it from either of them. Zoe nods and retreats to her car. Vanessa feels like she can breathe again.

"Right. Let's see to these horses, shall we?" Paddy suggests, a hint of desperation making his voice a tiny bit too high to be natural.

* * *

She passes an enjoyable couple of hours, chatting with Paddy as they carry out the routine check-ups on the horses. She discovers that he and Zoe co-own the practice in the village and that he's sort of courting Chas at the pub. He's friendly and open and she enjoys his company. Charity comes in to see how they're getting on just as they're finishing up, leaning on the stable door, resting her chin on her forearms.

"What about Lennox?" Paddy asks. "D'you want us to-"

"Not yet." Charity shakes her head. "Maybe next time."

Lennox is the horse she saw Charity with in the field that first night. Vanessa's not had much to do with him since she arrived. Charity likes to tend to the horses herself, and Lennox in particular, with him being so nervous and easily spooked. Vanessa's given him his feed once, but he wouldn't come near her; stood at the back of his pen, stomping and huffing the whole time. He's a beautiful horse, but the few times he's been close enough for Vanessa to get a good look at him, she's noticed scarring on his neck. She makes a mental note to sound Charity out about his background at some point.

"Right. Yeah." Paddy nods. "Probably for the best." He picks up his bag and nods at Vanessa. "You've got a good'un here, Charity."

Their eyes meet and Vanessa blushes, unable to hold the eye contact and instead busies herself with rubbing the neck of the horse they've just finished with.

"Yeah, well, just tell Zoe flamin' Tate to keep her hands off, right?" There's an edge to Charity's voice that makes Vanessa want to look at her, but her face is still red so she resists.

"I'm sure she didn't mean anyth-"

"And I'm sure she did." Charity interrupts. "Just...just keep her as far away from me as possible, yeah? I'd hate to have to go to the bother of finding another vet and giving  _them_ all my hard earned cash."

Paddy stammers a response in the affirmative and then makes his excuses to leave. He bids them both goodbye and gets out of the stables as fast as he can, almost tripping over a brush by the door in his haste.

Vanessa's still stroking the horse, lost in thought, when Charity's voice startles her. "You just gonna stand there all day, are you?"

"No, I-" She bites her lip, keeping in the defensive, sarcastic response that's threatening to come out. She can't afford to get on the wrong side of Charity again this early in their working arrangement. "Sorry. I'll get back out and help Pete up in the top field."

"Yeah, you do that." Charity opens the stable door to let her out, latching it closed after her. "Ummm, listen, Vanessa-"

Surprised by the softer tone of voice, Vanessa stops and turns back. "Yeah?"

Charity's eyes are darting around, not settling on any one thing for long. "Look, I know Zoe Tate probably seems like a good person to get to know, especially if you're gonna be looking for a proper vet job or whatever, but-" She sighs. "But she's not, okay?"

"Not what?" Vanessa asks, unsure if she's following correctly.

"A good person." Charity's eyes are hard when they finally meet hers. "All that nicey nicey stuff before, that's just to get your attention away from the hand that's sneaking around to stab you in the back. She thinks she's above folk like you and me, no matter what she says. So don't fall for it."

"Oh." The tension between them had been thick, but she hadn't really expected Charity to address it. "So...were the two of you friends at some p-"

"No." Charity shakes her head, arms crossed tightly across her chest. "No, we were never friends."

Vanessa frowns. "Then how could she stab you in the b-"

"There's cows need seeing to, Vanessa." Charity's already striding off across the yard. "Since you spent all afternoon playing doctor with Paddy."

Left standing alone, Vanessa scolds herself for not knowing when to stop. Although, with Charity, that does seem to be a moving target. She sighs and starts out towards the top field, her mind turning over all the possible explanations for Charity's attitude towards Zoe.

* * *

Summer trundles on and, before long, they find themselves in the middle of a heatwave. Or, what passes for a heatwave in Yorkshire, at least. The cows become slow and lethargic crowding under trees or shuffling into the barn for shade and water. The hens keep finding their way into the main house, seeking out the cool stone floors. More than once she's seen Charity shoo them out of the back door. The horses are irritable; flicking their tails at the flies that plague them.

She's working on a fence with the boys, who've both opted to go topless. Vanessa wipes her face with the sleeve of the shirt she's wearing. Why she thought it was necessary is now a distant memory. At least she had the foresight to wear shorts. Unbuttoning the shirt, she uses it to dab at the sweat on the back of her neck before casting it aside.

"Feel free to keep going, like," Ross encourages, from his perch on a fencepost, his eyes dropping meaningfully to the white vest she's still wearing. "Don't stop on our account. Me and Pete aren't gonna complain."

"Ross." Pete's warning is heavy with years of being the older, more sensible, brother. He stands up and wipes his brow, sweat glistening on his torso, glinting in the sun with each of his breaths. Vanessa wills herself to react; to find the desire to lick the drop that's running down over his abs. But it's just not there and it's too hot to put any effort into pretending it is.

"I'm alright, ta." Vanessa says to Ross, tightening her ponytail and blowing the loose strands of hair out of her face. The gentle morning sun has given way to heavy, oppressive heat that seeps in and saps the energy from already tired muscles. She shades her eyes and looks up at the sky, clear blue and endless.

"Eh up. Boss is coming. Look lively." Ross hops down and wipes his hands on his jeans.

"You're the only one that was doing nothing," Pete points out.

Vanessa pauses, glancing over to the truck making its way across the field. Charity's got one arm hanging out of the open window, fingers spread to catch the breeze. She's wearing sunglasses and her hair is up in a messy bun. There's a twist and a tug low down in Vanessa's stomach and she sighs. Where was  _that_ a minute ago when she wanted it?

"Well, looks like Ness has taken on that job, eh?" Ross' voice knocks her out of her head and she turns to him with a question on her brow. He rolls his eyes. "You're not supposed to  _start_ standing around doing nothing when the boss shows up, love."

"Oh, right." She picks up a hammer and moves over to where Pete is unwinding a coil of wire. The truck stops just by where they're working and Charity gets out, groaning when the sun hits her. Vanessa shoots her a quick smile, but forces her attention back to her work and away from noticing how long Charity's legs are in the shorts she's wearing.

"Alright boss?" Ross puts his hand on his hips, stretching his back out as if he's been hard at it. "Come to do an inspection?"

"Something like that," Charity says, going round to the back of the truck and hauling something out. She sets a cool box on the ground and takes the top off, revealing bottles of water and some choc-ices. "Thought I'd better make sure you don't all peg it in the heat up here. It's too late in the season to replace you now."

Vanessa grins, wiping her hands on the back of her shorts as she makes her way over. She plucks a bottle of water out and holds it against her forehead, closing her eyes. "Oh, that's lovely."

"You showing off for the new girl, Charity?" Ross asks, grabbing his own bottle as Pete comes over and does likewise. "Don't remember you ever bringing us water and ice-creams before."

"Don't remember it ever being this hot before," Charity snaps back. She bends and takes something out of the box, chucking it at Ross. It's a bottle of suntan lotion. "There, better rub some of that on your receding hairline, eh?"

Ross gives her a fake smile, wrinkling his nose. "I'm not the one with a complexion like Casper the Friendly Ghost." He turns and throws the bottle to Vanessa, who only just manages to catch it, spilling some water down her front in the process. Ross' smile twists. "Ooooh. This is bringing back memories of that wet t-shirt competition we saw at Butlin's that time." He nudges Pete. "D'you remember?"

"I remember mum marching us out of there before we saw anything," Pete says.

"Ignore him," Charity tells Vanessa. "Well, apart from the bit about putting that suntan lotion on, babe." She lifts her sunglasses and squints. "You're so pale, I think you're actually reflecting the sunlight."

Vanessa narrows her eyes at her, but does as she's told, emptying a generous dollop of lotion onto her hand and applying it to her arms first, then her legs.

"Need a hand with that?" Ross asks. "'Cause I've got two ready and waiting right here." He holds them up and wiggles his fingers.

She shakes her head, and hides her smile. The thing is, for all his overt flirting, she's fairly sure he doesn't mean it. She thinks he might run for the hills if she actually took him up on any of his lewd suggestions. All mouth and no trousers, he is. Although if she said that to him, he'd likely want to show her exactly what he keeps in his trousers.

"How about you use them to pick up a tool or something, eh? Maybe, I don't know, do some work for once." Charity's voice is tight, and much closer than Vanessa thought. She stands up from rubbing cream into her legs to see Charity squeezing some lotion onto her hand. She lifts her eyebrows at Vanessa. "Turn around."

"Eh?" Later, Vanessa will blame her lack of eloquence on the heat, and not on the fact that her mind went blank the second she realised Charity planned to touch her.

Charity rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in the air. "Face the other way and I'll do your shoulders. Don't want you laid up with sunburn tomorrow, do I?"

"Oh...right." Vanessa turns like she's treading through treacle; all of her limbs feel heavy and stuck. She inhales sharply when Charity's hands make contact with her skin.

"Sorry," Charity murmurs, her hands rubbing in firm, wide strokes across the top of Vanessa's back. "Maybe sticking it in the cool box wasn't that great an idea, was it?"

"No, it's...it's amazing," Vanessa says, then clamps her lips together when Charity moves the straps of her vest and her bra off her shoulders. She swallows with difficulty and tries to think of something to say. "Cool, I mean. On my skin. The cream. It's-"

"There. All done." Charity moves the straps back into place and steps back, rubbing her hands on her own arms to get rid of the excess. She gives Vanessa a wink. "Hopefully that'll keep you from looking like a lobster tomorrow."

"Hope so," Vanessa says, taking a drink of water so that she can look away from Charity's gaze. It's really not helping her to cool down.

"Me next," Ross says, heading over and turning his back to Charity. "Fair's fair."

There's an uncomfortable clench somewhere in Vanessa's chest at his request. But she doesn't have time to focus on it because Charity shoves the bottle into the back of Ross's shorts and heads back to the truck. "I can't stand around here all day being a personal masseuse for you lot. Got things to do, me." She gets into the truck, wincing at the heat that must have built up inside. She leans out of the window. "Bring the cool box down when you're coming. And see if you can finish that fence this side of Christmas, yeah?"

She fires the engine and turns the truck around, heading in the direction she'd come from. Ross huffs, pulling the suntan lotion out of his shorts. He turns to Vanessa, quirking his eyebrows hopefully. She rolls her eyes.

"Fine. Give it here."

"Result." Ross struts over and presents his back to her. He looks over his shoulder. "Make sure you proper slather it on all my muscles. I don't want an uneven tan."

"I'll try my best," Vanessa says, but her eyes are focussed over Ross' shoulder where the pick-up is kicking up dust through the hazy heat of the afternoon. She closes her eyes, trying to recapture the sensation of Charity's hand gliding over her skin. Soft and firm at once. Her stomach dips at just the memory, and she tenses against the inevitable twitch.

"Today'd be good, love," Ross says, jolting her out of her imagination.

"Right, sorry." She shoves the bottle between her knees and rubs her hands together before running them over Ross' back. Her fingers slide over the clear expanse of strangely hairless skin - she'll need to check the bathroom cabinet for Immac - moving over the contours of his well-defined muscles right up to his wide shoulders.

She feels nothing.

* * *

The blistering heat doesn't last, thankfully, and the farm returns to something closer to normality. Vanessa quickly starts to feel like she's been here forever. She can barely remember what it was like to lie in till noon, or drag herself out of bed to go and sit in some stuffy lecture theatre or classroom all day.

Here, the days start early. Up at the crack of dawn in that almost otherwordly light of summer mornings; cool and fresh and full of promise for the day ahead. The hard work is taken care of before noon, when the warmth settles across your shoulders and slows you down. There are no fixed working hours, but they generally get what needs done finished by early afternoon, with only a milking and a feeding later on.

Evenings are usually spent together. Sometimes they go to the pub where Ross flirts with everything in sight and Charity bickers endlessly with Chas. Mostly they just stay up at the farm. Vanessa and Ross and Pete take it in turns to cook. Sometimes Charity joins them, or she fires up the old barbecue up by the big house and they sit outside, talking and laughing and drinking until they retire earlier than a group of twenty-somethings normally would.

And the day starts all over again.

* * *

Having a routine is fine, but with live animals and weather, there are always things that crop up and have to be dealt with. Which is why Vanessa finds herself sitting in the barn, in a pen with a cow who'd been suffering with bloat the previous evening. Paddy had treated her and she seemed fine, but with bloat you can never be sure it won't reoccur and death can come so quickly, it only makes sense for Vanessa to volunteer to stay up with her, since she could actually carry out the procedure to treat her if necessary.

She'd sent the rest of them away and situated herself in a pen with the isolated cow, watching for any signs of distress or pain, keeping an eye out for distension of the abdomen. It's different, this, than anything she did while at uni. Yes, she'd carried out dozens of procedures on farm animals before, but she's never had a vested interest like she does with this one. Cattle are expensive and she knows the loss of this cow will affect Charity financially. More than that, though, she feels like she  _knows_ the bloody cow personally. She's the one who gets them all out in the morning. She walks them to the milking shed. She knows their markings and she's started to think of them as individuals with their own little personality quirks.

This particular lady is a bit of an adventurer, she's noticed, which is probably why she's been off at the edges the pasture, seeing what she can nibble on from the neighbouring fields. Probably got into some clover along the way, poor love.

Vanessa rubs at her eyes and yawns. It's just past three in the morning. She's not going to last much longer unless she keeps her mind occupied. Pushing to her feet, she stretches out her back and yawns again, heading over to the cow and stroking her haunch.

"Right. I don't usually spend the night with people whose names I don't know, so I've decided to call you Sharon, okay?" The cow gives no indication that she's listening. "That's after a girl I went to school with, who was always a right cow to me. Which...I'm just now realising isn't a very nice reason for giving you that name. So-" She racks her brain for an appropriate cow name. "Let's go for Deirde, eh? I don't know any Deirdres except the one off Corrie." Again, the cow gives no response. Vanessa sighs. "Not much of a conversationalist, are you? S'pose I'll just have to do the talking."

And so she does. She talks about everything and nothing.

She tells Deirdre about how worried she was about getting through her exams, because she probably didn't study as much as she could have, and how relieved she was when she passed them.

She tells her about some daft programme Ross had made her watch the other night on the telly.

She whispers about how she's scared that she'll never be good enough for her mum; that she'll always just be a reminder of her feckless father and how he abandoned them.

When the hour gets late enough for her to have lost all track of time and place, she talks about Rhona.

"She laughed, Deirdre, when I told her how I felt." Her throat is tight and scratchy already from all the yapping she's done, but it constricts even more around words she's never said to anyone. "She laughed the same way she'd have done if I'd told her I was planning to spend my student loan on tickets to the moon. Like it was  _that_ far-fetched that I could feel that way about her."

She sighs and grabs the side of the pen to get up, stretching out her cramped muscles and moaning as they protest. Deirdre looks at her, blandly. Vanessa rubs her eyes and moves closer to the cow, checking her abdomen for swelling as she continues with her sad tale.

"As if I'd have given myself all that grief over feelings that weren't real, eh? Worried myself sick, I did. And right before my exams an'all! I wasn't even going to tell her, 'cause I knew it would go away, eventually. But then, one night, I just...blurted it all out. How I thought she was the loveliest person I'd ever met and I could never imagine meeting anyone like her ever again. And that I...I was in love with her." She rubs Deirdre's head, between her ears. "And she laughed."

Even just thinking about it, the pain returns in full force to squeeze everything inside her chest to the point where she feels like she can't even suck in air. She buries her face in the cow's soft neck and lets the tears overwhelm her. She's not even sure she's crying over Rhona anymore, as much as she's crying over her own foolishness of ever thinking telling her was a good idea. It's so stupid anyroad, to get this upset over a passing phase. And it will pass. Just like they all have. Just like this stupid notion she's got in her head over Charity will pass. She's not like that, deep down. Not really.

Once the tears have passed, she lifts her head and scrubs at her face with the sleeve of her shirt. She pats Deirdre and smiles. "Thanks for that, love. I think I needed to say all that out loud." She sniffs and lets out a shaky breath. "You're a really good listener, you know?"

After the emotional outpouring, she returns to easier topics. She talks Deirdre through some of the flatmates she had at uni and their quirks and gross habits. Like the bloke she caught licking peanut butter out of the jar before screwing the lid back on and putting it back in the cupboard. She shudders at the memory. Sometimes it was best not to know what was going on in those flats.

When all her weird flatmate stories are exhausted, she moves on to talking about her hobbies, which are few and far between, really. Looking back, she realises her main hobby used to be going out and getting bladdered and finding someone to sleep with. Even if she wanted to keep that up, there's not much opportunity around Emmerdale. She could go into Hotten, she supposes.

Yawning, she rustles around in the pile of straw she's fashioned into a makeshift chair for herself in the corner of the pen. "How about you? What do you do for fun?"

"I quite like going to the moooooovies, myself."

Somehow, and without conscious thought, Vanessa finds herself on her feet, head jerking around at the unexpected voice. She spins on her heel to find Charity standing right behind where she'd been sitting. She's holding two mugs and grinning.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Vanessa tells her, voice still high and strangled from the shock. She puts a hand to her chest and sure enough, her heart is hammering.

"Did you think the cow had started answering back?" Charity says, leaning on the metal fencing and holding out one of the mugs for Vanessa to take. "Here, thought you might want something to warm you up."

Almost recovered from her fright, Vanessa takes the mug with a grateful smile. "Ta." She takes a sip, the tea is stronger than she usually likes it, but it's hot and sweet and very welcome. She covers a yawn with her free hand. "Time's it anyway? Why're you up?"

"Just gone four," Charity tells her. "I'm always up at this time." She nods to Deirdre. "How's she been? Any more symptoms?"

"She's been fine," Vanessa says, turning to appraise the cow. "She's been good company, actual-." Another yawn catches her off-guard.

"Right, lady, get yourself up the road and get some kip. Me and the boys will handle the morning milking and feeding."

"No, I'm fine, honestly." Vanessa says, turning back to face Charity, willing herself not to yawn. "I'm used to staying up all night."

Charity's eyebrows shoot up and she tilts her head. "That right? Bit of a goer, are you?"

"Eh?" Vanessa frowns before her brain catches up and her eyes go wide. "Oh! No! I just meant...with studying and that."

"Mmmhmmm," Charity hums, giving her a wink. "I won't ask if it was animal or human anatomy you were studying."

"I was-. I just-" Vanessa splutters, embarrassed by how close Charity is to the truth. "I'm not-"

"Hey, I'm just having you on," Charity says, opening the gate and nodding for Vanessa to come out. "You've done me a good turn. Normally I'd have had one of them vets from the village sat here twiddling their thumbs all night, with me paying through the nose for the privilege."

Suddenly aware of how tired she actually is, Vanessa relents. She pats the cow's neck as she passes her. "Thanks for listening to me go on all night, Deirdre."

"Deirdre?" Charity shakes her head. "Do I even want to know?"

"I needed something to call her," Vanessa says, cradling her mug in both hands as Charity takes her place in the pen, closing the gate behind her.

Charity rolls her eyes, but it looks like she's trying not to smile. "Fine. Deirdre it is, then." She runs a hand along the cow's broad back before turning to Vanessa and gesturing to the door with her chin. "Go on, kid. Go and get some sleep."

Vanessa nods. "Night, then." She frowns. "Or...morning, I s'pose."

"Morning," Charity says, with another wink.

Stumbling out into the morning light, she trudges up the road, bone tired but lighter than she can remember feeling since well before the whole episode with Rhona. She only manages to kick off her boots before falling onto her bed face first. And, unlike most nights when all sorts of worries and doubts dance around her head, she's asleep immediately.

* * *

She's lugging some feed from the shed to the barn a few days later when she hears a commotion coming from the yard. There's shouting going on, some of it is Charity, but most of it is a man whose voice Vanessa doesn't recognise. Dropping the heavy sack, she sprints up the uneven path until three figures come into view. Charity looks tiny next to the two huge blokes looming over her, but she's standing her ground. She can only make out every other word, but it's something about lawyers and stealing and rights.

"Oi!" Vanessa yells, trying to distract them from the shouting match. Three heads turn towards her as she barrels up to them, inserting herself between Charity and the men. She shoves at the closest one, he doesn't budge. Now that she can focus, she notices that the older of the two is holding the younger one's arm, pulling him back. They both look down at her. The younger one shifts his attention over her shoulder.

"This what passes for security round here nowadays? Finally frightened off all the blokes, have you, Charity?" He takes a step forward, entering Vanessa's personal space. She tries to shove him away, but the other one does it for her, yanking him back. "Or have you decided to take up carpet-munching full-time instead of just as a hobby?"

Vanessa's mouth falls open at the accusation, and the hateful tone; the one she's spent her whole life frightened of. But also at the fact he's hurling it at Charity. It's the first Vanessa's heard of this. Okay, yeah, Charity's been a bit flirty with her, but she's flirty with most folk. She thought that was just her personality.

"Carl!" The other man pulls him back again. "I told you to be civil!"

"Civil?" Charity speaks for the first time since Vanessa arrived. "He couldn't even spell it, Jimmy, never mind act that way." She laughs and Vanessa glances over her shoulder in time to see her roll her eyes. "It's starts with a 'cuh' and not a 'suh', Carl."

Carl lunges for Charity, his arm stretching over Vanessa's shoulder in an attempt to grab at her. Moving solely on instinct, Vanessa lifts her knee as high as she can and, somehow, times it perfectly so that it connects with his groin. His momentum carries them both forward and Vanessa ends up on her back, with him on top of her.

"Oh my God, babe!" "Jesus, Carl." "What the hell are you doing here?" "Get off her."

There's a cacophony of voices above her, coming from all directions, as well as Carl moaning and cursing in her ear. The wind was knocked out of her when she landed, so she can't really form words, and next thing she knows, Carl is hauled off her. She looks up to see Pete and Ross bodily escorting him to a car. Then Charity's worried face comes into view, her expression hardens when their eyes meet.

"What the hell was  _that_?" she barks.

Vanessa coughs. "What was what?"

"That! Just now, when you were a complete idiot and tried to take on two six-feet men!" Despite the harshness of her voice, Charity's hands are gentle as they help her into a sitting position.

" _Me_?" Vanessa coughs again, trying to kick-start her lungs. "I wasn't the one taunting them about spelling!"

"No, but that was my look-out. You had no business even getting involved!" Charity shakes her head, eyes flitting around Vanessa's body. "Is anything broken?"

Nothing feels broken, but she moves her shoulders experimentally; they'd taken the brunt of the fall. "I'm fine." She rubs at the base of her skull, where there's a lump forming. "And there were two men yelling at you. What was I supposed to do? Stand back and let them? They could have hurt you."

Charity's jaw works, her lower teeth sitting in front of her top ones for a second. Then she stands up. "And you running in like some tiny superhero would've stopped them, would it?"

"Well, it did, didn't it?" Vanessa challenges, starting to get to her feet. When Charity puts a hand on her elbow, helping her to stand, Vanessa can feel it shaking. And the closer she looks, she can see Charity's whole body is shaking. They stare at each other, Charity's hand still holding her arm. "Charity, are you-"

The moment's broken when Ross and Pete jog over to join them. Charity lets go of her and folds her arms over her stomach.

"You okay, Ness?" Pete asks, putting a hand on her shoulder. She nods and gives him a smile.

"What did them two scrotes want?" Ross asks, dusting his hands on his jeans.

"Same as ever," Charity says. "Carl just likes to shout and scream at me every once in a while. Makes him feel like a big man."

Vanessa looks between the three of them. "Who are they, though? What did they want?"

"Didn't I just tell you to keep your nose out?" Charity says, eyes hard once more. "Now you've all got things to do and there's a flaming great storm supposed to hit later this afternoon, so get on with it, yeah?" Before anyone can reply, Charity marches away, up the path to the main house and in the front door.

"They're Tom King's sons," Pete says, quietly. She turns to look at him to find him still staring in the direction Charity had taken. "Her husband, the one we told you about when you first arrived, they're his boys and they think this farm should've come to them when he died. Tried to say all sorts about her and how she'd used their dad to get her hands on this place."

"They said more than that," Ross interjects, his usual joviality gone. He turns to her, brow wrinkled. "They pretty much tried to say she killed him."

"What?" Vanessa whispers.

"Police never took them seriously, mind," Ross says. "Doesn't mean folk don't still talk."

"I've told her to get a restraining order," Pete says. "For that Carl, at least. Matthew and Jimmy seem to have got it in their heads that it's over, but he can't get past it."

"Poor Charity." Vanessa's heart aches for her. No wonder she works so hard to make this place a success. "D'you think I should go up and-"

"No!" Ross and Pete answer in unison.

Ross widens his eyes, drawing a finger across his throat.

Pete shakes his head. "She just...she's better left in peace for a bit, that's all."

"Right, okay then." There's an annoying niggle at the back of her mind that wants to ask the boys about Carl's comment about Charity and women. But that's not for them to tell her. And it's not for her to ask them. So she files it away, most likely to be obsessed over while she's trying to fall asleep at night. She smiles and looks up at the foreboding clouds rolling in. "Better get to it, eh?"

The three of them busy themselves with their tasks. When Charity comes back out of the house, she makes no mention of the events of earlier and just pitches in to get everything done before the storm hits.

* * *

Another shard of lightning cuts the sky in two as Vanessa runs to the stables, holding an old denim jacket over her head and darting around the worst of the puddles. Thunder rumbles, closer than before and she's grateful when she reaches shelter. She pushes the door open, discarding the jacket and shaking out her hair. It's only when she looks up that she notices she's not alone.

"Oh, Charity." She fumbles for the jacket. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were- I've just checked the cows and I was gonna do the same for the horses, but I'll leave you in-"

"Just come in and shut the door, will you?" Charity says. She sounds tired in a way Vanessa's never heard before. She turns back and leans her forearms on the door of the stall she's standing at.

Vanessa does as she's told, latching the door and drying off her hands on a rag hanging on a hook. She checks on each of the animals in turn, giving them a handful of oats or a comforting rub and a few words. Soon, there's just Lennox left, and Charity's got that in hand by the looks of things. She should just go, leave Charity in peace like Pete suggested. But she can't.

Moving slowly enough that Charity could tell her to get lost if she wanted to, Vanessa makes her way over, standing just behind Charity's shoulder and looking at Lennox. He's at the back of the stall, clearly uncomfortable. His breath is coming fast, nostrils tensed, ears back.

"Poor thing," she murmurs, without meaning to.

Charity makes a noise of agreement. "He's not good with storms." She sighs. "I thought, maybe, if I stayed here with him it'd help calm him down a bit."

Vanessa nods. "You're the only one I've seen get close to him. He won't let me near him."

That coaxes a smile out of Charity. "Yeah. Good judge of character, this one."

"Ha ha." Vanessa takes a chance and moves in, mirroring Charity's stance and leaning on the half door. They both watch Lennox in silence for a bit. Another roll of thunder makes him toss his head and whinny, the light catches the scars on his neck.

"Was he in an accident when he was younger?" Vanessa asks. "I haven't been able to get a proper look at him, but-"

"His whole life was an accident before he came here," Charity says, eyes still on the horse as he stamps his hooves.

"Oh, right." Vanessa wonders why she hadn't considered the possibility of him coming from elsewhere. He just seems like Charity's horse. "He was- He was abused, then?"

Charity nods, leaning forward and smiling when Lennox takes a few steps towards her, before backing off. "Yeah. Scum of a man had him. Me and Tom were down looking at some of his sheep and I saw him tied up round the side of his barn, yanking at his tether." She shakes her head and closes her eyes. "When I asked about him, I got told all he was good for was glue."

"That's horrible," Vanessa says, turning to look at the animal. His behaviour makes complete sense now. Why should he trust anybody when humans treated him so badly.

"He'd been bought as a racehorse but got injured early on and never made it." Charity sighs. "An investment gone wrong. That's all he saw him as."

"You rescued him, yeah?" Vanessa prompts, unused to seeing Charity this pensive. She bumps her shoulder. "He's got a good life now, thanks to you."

Shrugging, Charity nods. Lennox comes closer again, touching his muzzle to Charity's outstretched hand and then darting away. "Felt like the right thing to do. Poor mite."

Vanessa nods and they return to a comfortable silence, both watching the horse. Vanessa wishes she knew how to comfort him. Wishes she knew what to say to either of them. It's Charity who breaks the silence.

"Take it the boys filled you in, yeah?"

She doesn't have to ask what about. "They told me who the men were, and why they were up here shouting the odds." She doesn't want Charity thinking Ross and Pete were standing around gossiping about her. "But that's all, honest."

Charity nods and turns her head to the side, looking at Vanessa properly for the first time since she entered the stables. "What they say...what they think about me and Tom. It's not true. It was never like that between us. Me using him for money, or to get this place."

"I didn't think it was," Vanessa says, without hesitation.

Charity looks surprised for a second, but hides it quickly. She lifts a questioning eyebrow. "You must have heard things, though. Round the village." She scoffs and turns back to the stall. "No shortage of opinions round here about me and my past."

She's heard the odd bit of gossip here and there, but never paid much attention. She's not close enough to anyone to be invited into their confidences, and she wouldn't let anyone away with saying bad things about Charity behind her back. As she told Pete that first day, she believes in judging people by their actions, and Charity's only ever been fair and friendly with her. Okay, she's maybe a bit of a moody cow at times, but isn't everyone?

"Your past is your business, Charity," Vanessa says. "Not mine and not anybody else's. Unless you want to share it with them. Anyway, I always think the present's the most important thing, and you're doing pretty well for yourself, aren't you?"

Charity looks over at her, eyes sharp, like she's seeking out dishonesty in what Vanessa's saying. She's not sure Charity's used to having people say positive things to her. Even the other Dingles Vanessa's met seem keen to emphasise her negative traits. Chas does it in a jokey way, at least. But there's another cousin kicking around the village, Cain. He seems to take great pleasure in putting Charity down at every opportunity. Vanessa's only met him a couple of times in the pub, but she doesn't like him.

"S'pose I am, yeah." Charity smiles, but it fades quickly as Lennox balks at the next roll of thunder. "Poor beggar. Thinks everything's out to get him. And why shouldn't he think that, eh? When the lowlife who was supposed to take care of him did the exact opposite."

Vanessa can't help but feel like Charity's talking about more than the horse, but she's learning not to push for too much. So she nods her agreement. "But that doesn't mean he can't learn to trust people again." She takes a chance and holds her own hand out, like she's seen Charity do. Lennox swishes his tail and lifts his head up and down. "You're brilliant with him. He's learning that you're here for him, and that you're not going to hurt him, and he'll get to the point where he trusts you."

Without her noticing, Lennox has come closer to them. She turns when she feels him sniff at her hand. He sneezes on it and gives himself a fright, turning and bolting away. Her own surprised laughter joins Charity's. She wipes her hand on her jeans. "Charming."

She turns to look at Charity and finds her already looking back at her, eyes warm with mirth. "That's the closest he's got to anyone that's not me. Voluntarily, at least."

Vanessa tries not to blush from Charity's proximity and the clear compliment in her words. "Yeah, well, got a way with animals, me."

"Hmmm." Charity's eyes look darker than before. "Regular little Doctor Doolittle, aren't you?"

"I've been called worse," Vanessa says, throat suddenly sticky.

Charity smiles. "Just animals that you've got a way with, is it?"

There's a tone to Charity's voice that Vanessa's definitely never heard before. If she had to pick a word to describe it, it'd be sultry. Which can't be right, can it? Not after all that stuff with the Kings, and now Lennox being scared. Charity can't be-

Then it happens; Charity's eyes drop, very deliberately, to Vanessa's lips.

And there's no way to explain away the jolt that goes through Vanessa as a result. Pure, unbridled arousal. So strong that it vibrates through her entire frame, making her legs wobble and her chest tighten. She stumbles backwards, tripping over a pair of riding boots and a rake. Charity moves to right her, but she holds up a hand, trying to smile.

"Sorry, I just...I forgot that I hadn't checked on-" She already said she'd checked the cows. "The chickens! You know what them daft hens are like, they'll be out running about like headless- I mean-" She trips again, over a tin bucket someone's left by the door. "I'm fine!"

"Babe," Charity says, frowning. "Calm down. You're gonna do yourself an injury."

Vanessa fumbles with the latch, finally getting it open, she throws it open just in time for a flash of lightning to light up the stables, unsettling all the horses and making Lennox whinny in fright again. Charity huffs and turns back to him, speaking in a low, comforting voice.

"Hey, hey, you're alright. You're fine. It's alright."

"I'm sorry," Vanessa whispers.

She closes the door behind her, heading out into the rain. Her body feels like it's on fire, so she lets the rain soak through her clothes in an attempt to cool herself down. Hot tears mix with rain on her cheeks as she trudges up the muddy road to the cottage.

She's such a coward. Charity clearly wanted to kiss her just now. She  _knows_  she wants to kiss Charity. But letting it happen, actually going through with it, well, that's a whole new prospect. At least with Rhona, she'd been quickly divested of the notion that anything could happen. The danger was removed and she could work through the phase the same as she always had.

But this? The very real possibility of Charity feeling the same way? That's different. That makes these feelings harder to explain away.

And that's too frightening for Vanessa to contemplate.


	3. In a dress that I was certain she hadn't worn in quite a while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa's feelings continue to confuse her.

Vanessa's relieved when Charity doesn't mention what happened in the stable the following day. Other than to thank her sarcastically for frightening the life out of Lennox as she was leaving. But that's fine; she can handle a bit of sarcasm if it doesn't come hand in hand with the excruciating mortification of discussing an awkward near kiss with your boss who also happens to be a woman.

She spends the next few days avoiding being in Charity's company by herself, so that the incident can't repeat itself.

Even though she wants it to.

_God_ , she wants it to.

There's no point in denying that any longer. Kind of hard to explain it away when, most nights, she closes her eyes and touches herself, pretending her fingers are Charity's. People don't concoct elaborate fantasies involving horses and wheat fields and tight denim shorts about people they're not attracted to. When she comes, she has to shove the heel of her hand between her teeth so that she doesn't shout Charity's name. That's all she'd need; Ross overhearing that. She's fairly sure he suspects something already. He teases her mercilessly about her eagerness to please the boss.

It's a week or so after the big storm when Pete asks her to go into the village and pick up some medication for the cows. Usually Paddy swings by with anything they need, but he wouldn't be able to make it up until the following day, and they need it now. So Vanessa hops in her car and heads down.

Pearl's behind the desk when she enters and she gives her a wide smile. "Hiya, Pearl. I think Paddy was leaving some amoxicillin for us to pick up?"

"You'll have to see Zoe about that." Pearl rolls her eyes. "I'm not allowed to hand out the hard stuff."

"Vanessa." Vanessa looks over to the examination room, where Zoe's standing in the door. "It's lovely to see you again." She nods to the room behind her. "Won't you come through?"

Giving Pearl a tight smile, Vanessa does as she's asked. She's very uneasy around Zoe since Charity had warned her off that time. She feels disloyal to Charity even being civil to the other woman, but she can't be outright hostile when she doesn't know why. She shoves her hands into her pockets, frowning when Zoe closes the door behind her as she follows Vanessa in.

"I, uh, can't stop long." She swallows. "I was just saying to Pearl that Paddy had left a prescription for one of our cows, I think."

"Yes, he mentioned something about that." She touches Vanessa's arm and smiles. "I'll check for you."

Zoe heads over to a locked cabinet, getting a set of keys out of her pocket. Vanessa rocks on her heels, taking the time to look around the surgery, admiring the well-kept and organised business. Zoe comes back over, holding a paper bag. Vanessa reaches out to take it, but Zoe doesn't let it go. Vanessa meets her eyes, frowning.

"Is, uh, everything okay? You don't need paying for it or anything? 'Cause I've not-"

"Oh, no. It'll go on Charity's monthly bill." Zoe smiles and looks down briefly. "I was just...wondering if you'd like to go out sometime?"

Vanessa's heart speeds up. "Out? Me and you? Like on a-" She frowns. " _-date_?"

Zoe laughs, and it's more self-conscious than Vanessa's ever seen her. "Well, yes. I thought that was implied in the invitation."

Regardless of any recent conclusions she may have reached about her feelings towards Charity, a lifetime of denial is a hard thing to get past. Just the assumption that this might be something she's open to triggers a panic response, tightening her chest and making her face hot.

"Oh. I'm...ummm, that's uh-" She swallows, with difficulty. "I'm-"

"You're seeing someone?" Zoe's eyebrow arches, just slightly, like she thinks she knows something.

"What?" Vanessa shakes her head. "No! I'm not seeing anyone. I'm just...I'm not  _gay_ , is what I was going to say."

"Oh. Oh!" Zoe tilts her head, looking Vanessa up and down like she's a cow at market. When their eyes meet again, Zoe gives her a smile that Vanessa's sure is supposed to be sheepish, but just comes across as smug. "My mistake, then. It's been a while since I've gotten that wrong. I do apologise."

Not one of those words felt even slightly sincere and Vanessa can feel anger rear up in her chest, but she pushes it down. No point in making a scene. She nods and offers Zoe a fake smile of her own. "It's fine. It's absolutely fine. Don't worry about it."

She tugs on the paper bag they're both still holding and Zoe lets go, but follows her to the door when she goes to leave.

"Give Charity my best wishes, won't you?" Zoe says, just as Vanessa's almost out the door. She turns to see the expression that came with what sounded like a threat, but Zoe's already gone and the door closed. Vanessa looks at Pearl, who shrugs and shakes her head.

"I wouldn't pass on that message if I were you." Pearl leans further across the desk. "Best not to get in the middle of them two."

This whole bloody village seems to be aware of the history between Charity and Zoe Tate, but nobody's being specific about it. And Vanessa's certainly not going to ask about it. So she just bids Pearl farewell and jumps back in her car.

The whole way back, her stomach is churning at Zoe's invitation. Why had she thought it would be okay to ask that? Why did she think Vanessa might be interested? Is she giving off some big gay vibe or what? By the time she's at the farm, she's decided that she needs to deal with this the way she usually does; by going out and drinking excessively and maybe snogging a fit bloke.

She finds the boys in the cowshed.

"Right, I fancy getting bladdered tonight. Who's with me?"

Pete laughs. "Yeah, why not? I wouldn't mind a couple of pints."

Vanessa grins at him. "Brilliant." She shifts her attention to Ross. "How about you?"

"I know you'll be heartbroken, but you'll have to do without my radiant presence, I'm afraid." He wiggles his eyebrows. "Got a hot date lined up, me."

"Awww, I'll try to get over it." Vanessa rolls her eyes. She turns to Pete. "Just me and you then?"

"Should we say to Charity?" Pete asks, as he finishes sweeping up and leans the brush against the wall. "Oh, no, she said something about going up to Zak and Lisa's for dinner."

Relief sweeps through Vanessa and she nods. "Yeah, that sounds familiar." She bumps Pete with her shoulder. "Night away from the boss isn't a bad thing, eh? Gives us a chance to have a moan about her, if we need do."

"In the pub where her cousin works?" Ross tuts. "Good plan, Batman."

"No, I'm not saying that why I'm-" Vanessa bites her lip before she says anything more incriminating. "I just thought-"

"Ignore him," Pete says, clapping his hands together "Right. Quick shower and then pub, yeah?"

"Bagsy first shower!" Ross darts out of the shed, startling a few cows on the way.

Pete rolls his eyes and smiles. "One of us is getting a cold shower, then."

Vanessa returns his smile as best she can. In another life, she'd have been offering to join him in the shower to conserve the hot water. Maybe she should. It'd be an awful lot easier than dealing with all the confusing and conflicting thoughts in her head. She's been with blokes and they're not complicated. They don't expect much; beer, football and a shag here and there. She could put up with that for an easy life.

She follows Pete out of the shed. He lifts his hand to wave to someone and she turns to see Charity getting in the pick-up. She lifts her own hand and Charity smiles, tilting her head and winking.

She watches until the pick-up has disappeared down the track to the main road, trying to decide if an easy life is worth the loss of the fluttering in her stomach and the way her heart is trying to break out of her ribcage.

* * *

They manage to get one of the tables out the front of the pub; the warm evening air and the cold beer making for a pleasant time. Their conversation comes easily; stories from their youth, chat about the farm and the animals, comments on passers by. They laugh and they tease and for the first time, Vanessa's able to drown out the cacophony of feelings that usually demand her attention. The alcohol probably helps with that.

Neither of them really notice the slow descent of darkness, and it's only when Pete glances at his watch and lifts his eyebrows, that Vanessa realises how late it is.

"We should probably head back." Pete finishes his pint. "I'm gonna have a sore head in the morning as it is."

"Awww, we can stay for one more, can't we?" Vanessa whines.

Scrunching up his face, Pete shrugs. "I dunno, Ness. We're up at the crack of dawn and-"

Spurred on by the alcohol warming her blood and the desire not to go back to her empty bed, where all of her confusing thoughts will rush back in to fill up the silence, Vanessa lurches into Pete and presses her lips against his.

It's all wrong. It's not what she's been picturing lately. His skin is too rough under her hand, his stubble scraping over her fingertips. His body is the wrong shape and too big; when she tries to wrap her arm around his neck she can barely reach. But she presses on, opening her mouth when she feels him respond.

But then he's gone. Strong hands have wrapped around her arms, shoving her back. She recoils, stung by the rejection, and tries to shake him loose, but he holds on, dipping his head to catch her eye.

"Hey. Hey." His voice is soft, gentle, like when he talks to the cows. She chances a look at him. He smiles, sadly. "You don't want this." He shakes his head. "You don't want me."

She frowns, shaking her head. "I  _do_ , Pete. I do! I think you're dead handsome and...and you've got all these muscles and I...I just-" The words sound hollow and false even to her own ears. She bows her head. "I just want-"

"Charity," Pete finishes for her. "You want Charity."

She looks up into his kind eyes and her own fill with tears. "But I'm not-" The word sticks in her throat. "I'm not...like that."

Pete shrugs. "Would it be so bad if you were?" He puts his arm around her and offers her the edge of his shirt to wipe her eyes with. "You know my little brother's gay yeah?"

"Eh?" She frowns up at him, sniffing. "Ross?"

"Yeah, he just hides it well." Pete rolls his eyes. "No, not Ross. Our kid, Finn. He's gay. Nowt wrong with it."

"No, I know. I know there isn't anything  _wrong_ with it." She swallows. "But I've never...I'm not-" She blows out a breath and rubs her nose, annoyed that she can't get the words out. Can't deny it out loud, even though she wants to.

"You've never fancied girls before?" Maybe it's because Pete sounds genuinely curious rather than challenging, but it causes something to loosen in Vanessa's chest.

"No." The response is far too quick. It's what she's told herself her whole life, until Rhona. She doesn't fancy girls. She just appreciates beauty. She doesn't find women attractive. She just admires strong, independent women. "Well, that's not...I've never...never let myself-" A sob steals her breath. "There was this...this girl at uni that I...liked." She sniffs, wiping at her nose with her sleeve. What's the point in denying it now? Pete's not repulsed by her, he doesn't hate her. "An-and...there were other girls I liked. Before her."

"And now Charity," Pete shrugs when she glares at him. "Don't look at me like that! It's obvious." He rolls his eyes. "Even  _I_ can see it, and Ross is always saying I never notice stuff like that."

Vanessa sighs, a half sob catching it in the middle. She shrugs. "We, uh, we nearly kissed the other day. Me and Charity."

Pete bumps her shoulder with his own. "Why only nearly?"

"Because I chickened out." It's much easier than she thought it would be. Talking about this stuff, telling the  _truth_. All it took was one nudge from a bloke with kind eyes and here she is spilling her guts. And it feels amazing.

"How come?"

"I dunno. I had just about convinced myself I didn't like her that way." She shrugs. "And even if I  _did_ , I thought it didn't matter anyway because there was no chance she'd like  _me_  that way. And then, when it...when she-" She looks up at him, embarrassed. "I just panicked."

He nods. "Right. Well, that's understandable, innit? If you've never let yourself admit you liked girls." He smiles. "And Charity likes girls  _and_ blokes, by the way. I could've told you that if you'd asked."

"Why would I have ever asked you that?" Vanessa shakes her head. As if she's going to be going around drawing attention to people's sexualities when her own was causing her so much grief. She frowns. "Hang on, how do you know she likes girls? Has she...has she had girlfriends, then?"

"Not  _girlfriends_ as such." He shrugs. "Look, you see a lot of things when you're up as early as we are and I've seen a few folk doing the walk of shame from the big house. Not all of them blokes."

"Oh. Wow." Vanessa takes this in. "I had no idea."

How is it she lived in a city for years, convinced that any aberration from the norm would result in her being cast out, and yet everybody in this tiny village seems to be fine with asking random people out on lesbian dates and seeing women doing lesbian walks of shame?

"Yeah," Pete continues. "She had a bit of a thing going with Zoe Tate at one point."

There's a moment where Vanessa's unsure how they're still sat at this picnic table, when the whole world has just fallen away from under her. Vanessa shakes her head. "No, that can't be right. She  _hates_ Zoe Tate."

Pete nods. "She didn't always."

A thousand scenarios run through her head,  _all_  of them involving Charity ending up with a broken heart and secretly pining over the one that got away, but hiding it under overt hostility.

"What happened between them?" The question is hushed, like her mouth knows she shouldn't be asking. Like she's betraying Charity.

Pete shrugs. "Dunno. She never said and I never asked." He looks over at her quickly. "And you'd better not ask either." His brow wrinkles. "I've never liked that Zoe Tate though. Always looking down her nose at folk."

"Charity said the same thing," Vanessa says, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that this is something that happened. "She asked me out on a date today."

"Who did? Zoe?" Pete shakes his head and blows out a breath. "Flamin' heck. You better not tell Charity that either."

She'd thought it odd, at the time, but now it makes a little bit more sense. "D'you think she asked me out to make Charity jealous?"

"I don't know, Vanessa." Pete sighs. "I wouldn't put it past her, if I'm honest. But you're a sweet girl, and, you know, quite pretty and that, so maybe she just likes you?"

Vanessa laughs, leaning into his side. "Wow. ' _Quite pretty and that_ '."

"See?" He rubs at the back of his neck. "I told you I'm not good at this stuff."

"You're not bad at it, either." She sighs. "Listen, I'm- uh, I'm sorry for, you know, before." Blood rushes to her cheeks,warming the slight chill left by the late hour. "Kissing you."

"That's alright." He nudges her. "It wasn't terrible or anything."

"So, quite pretty and not terrible at kissing." She rolls her eyes, good-naturedly. "It's a wonder you pushed me away, really."

"I'd rather girls were kissing me because they wanted to be kissing me." He laughs softly. "Must be why I'm always single."

"Oh, come on." She wraps her arm around his. "Gorgeous, sweet bloke like you? You should be fighting girls off."

"Wasn't that what I did with you just now?"

She narrows her eyes at him. "You know what I mean." She squeezes his arm. "If you want a girlfriend, we'll get you a girlfriend. You just have to be a bit more like Ross and put yourself out there."

"And what about you?" he prompts. "You gonna be a bit more like Ross too?"

Sighing, she rests her head on his shoulder. "It's a bit more complicated for me, I think."

"Doesn't have to be. You like her. You nearly kissed, so you're pretty sure she fancies you an'all. Where's the complicated bit?"

"The bit where she's my boss? And a she. And the bit where this is a summer job?" She shakes her head. "It's  _all_ too complicated."

"Right, well, how about we forget about it for tonight and go home and get some kip, eh?"

Poor bloke. All he wanted was a quiet drink and now here he is having to listen to her go on about feelings and all sorts. No wonder he just wants to go home. She lifts her head and smiles.

"Sounds like a plan."

They head up the road, the breeze growing stronger and cooler once they're away from the protection of the buildings. Vanessa shivers, wishing she'd thought to grab a jumper before she left. Next thing she knows, Pete's warm flannel shirt is draped over her shoulders. She pulls it tighter around her and looks up at him in gratitude.

"You sure you don't need it?"

"Nah." He grins. "Looks better on you."

"I highly doubt that," Vanessa says, trying to roll the sleeves up. "But thank you. And not just for the shirt. For-" She shrugs. "-for listening."

"No problem." He gives an exaggerated shiver and rubs his arms. "C'mon, though, we better pick up the pace before I catch my death."

Vanessa punches his arm. "Shut up, you."

They wander the rest of the way home chatting and laughing and leaning into each other.

* * *

Waking up is a bit easier the following morning than she'd thought it might be. The fresh air on the walk home maybe did her some good and she gets up with her alarm, without the desire to chuck it at the wall first. She dresses and heads through to the kitchen, surprised to find Ross making a fry up in just his boxers.

"D'you mind?" She drops into a seat at the tiny table, wrinkling her nose. "Some of us are feeling queasy this morning."

"Yeah? Well, bit of bacon and fried bread'll fix you right up."

"I'm not talking about the food." She gestures to his body. "Put it away, love."

He tilts his head, brandishing his spatula at her. "It's not out, darlin', or believe me you'd notice."

Vanessa hides her smile at his cockiness.. "Didn't expect to see you up this early after your 'hot date'."

"Haven't been to bed, kid." He grins at her. "Well, not my own, at least."

She smiles and shakes her head. "Lucky for some, eh?"

"Lucky for her, you mean?" He flutters his eyelashes as Pete comes in and takes the seat next to Vaenssa's.

"So go on then," she says, as Ross brings over a plate filled with bacon and sausages. "You gonna tell us about her?"

He brings plates and cutlery over to the table, then takes his own seat, leaning his face in his hand. "I do not kiss and tell."

"Since when?" Pete asks, stabbing a sausage with his fork.

"Oh, fine, you twisted my arm." Ross starts filling his own plate. "Right, what do you want to know, you filthy beggars?"

"Basics first," Vanessa says, meeting Pete's eyes over the table. "Was she quite pretty and that?"

Ross is baffled by their laughter.

* * *

Once they get themselves fed, and Ross puts some clothes on, they head out to make a start on the day. Charity's already out and about, loading bags of feed into the back of the pick-up.

"Need a hand with that, boss?" Pete calls out.

"Wouldn't mind." Charity leans on the truck, appraising three of them with an eyebrow raised. "God, the three of you look rough. Late one last night, was it?"

Vanessa blinks a few times, trying to get rid of the heaviness from her eyelids. "Not, uh, not  _too_ late." She's finding it difficult to hold eye contact with Charity. As if she'll be able to see the conversation she had with Pete just from looking at her.

"Speak for yourself." Ross stretches. "I pulled an all-nighter and I am fresh as a daisy."

"We'll see how long that lasts," Charity says, nodding her thanks to Pete as he loads the last of the bags onto the truck. "Right, I'm just gonna nip over to Uncle Zak's with this feed and then I'm swinging by the village. Anybody need anything?" She looks at Vanessa. "Lucozade? Alka-Seltzer?" She shifts her attention to Ross, glancing at his crotch. "Penicillin?"

"I'm good, thanks." Vanessa says, smirking when Ross sticks his tongue out at Charity.

"Right, well, you'd all best get on with something, eh? I won't be long." She nods to one of the sheds. "Hay bales need shifting from in there."

As Charity's getting into the driver's seat, Vanessa's hit with a vision of what saying goodbye might be like if Charity were her girlfriend. She might lean on the open window of the truck and kiss her, sharing secret, soft smiles and giggling at how daft they were being. She might even go  _with_ her. And Charity might pull over at some particularly beautiful spot, dragging Vanessa out to the top of a hill so they can both stand and watch the sun get higher over the dales. Charity might stand behind her, with her arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder. And maybe she'd turn her head so that her nose was pressed against Charity's cheek and-

The sound of a horn beeping startles her out of her daydream back to reality, where she's stood alone, watching Charity drive off down the track.

* * *

The morning passes quickly. Being down a person doesn't mean there's any less work needing done, so they all have to up their game. By late morning, Ross is regretting his earlier boasting about his energy levels and Vanessa's definitely feeling the effects of too much beer and too late a night. Only Pete seems unaffected, but Vanessa puts that down to his size.

Charity returns, and it's immediately obvious that her jovial mood of earlier that morning is nothing but a distant memory. She storms into the shed where Vanessa and Pete are gathering together the gear to repair a faulty gate.

"Didn't I say them hay bales needed shifting this morning?" she barks.

Pete glances at Vanessa. "Uh, yeah, we'll get to them in a bit."

"No, you'll get to them  _now_ , thank you." Charity huffs and folds her arms. "These things I tell you to do aren't suggestions, you know."

"Yeah, Charity, I know that." Pete turns to Vanessa and rolls his eyes, his back to Charity.

"I'll come and give you a hand," Vanessa says.

"No, you won't." Charity, kicks at something lying on the floor. "You'll stay here and give this place a good sweep. Looks like it hasn't been done for weeks."

"I did it two days ago," Vanessa protests. "I can do it after I give Pete a hand with-"

"Pete's a big boy, Vanessa," Charity says, her lip curling in distaste. "As I'm sure you're  _more_  than aware. He can do it by himself."

Pete puts his hand on Vanessa's shoulder. "It's fine, Ness. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, ' _Ness'_  is it, now?" Charity says, as he passes. "How sweet."

Vanessa frowns. "He's called me Ness for ages. So does Ross. All my friends do." She shrugs. "You're welcome to call me Ness too, if you like."

"I'll be calling you unemployed if you don't get that brush in your hand." Charity shakes her head and leaves, muttering about incompetent staff and leaving a very confused Vanessa behind her.

* * *

Charity's rampage lasts for the rest of the day, culminating in a blazing row when she finds Ross kipping in the barn.

* * *

The following morning, Vanessa keeps her head down and gets on with what needs doing, so she doesn't experience Charity's ire. Halfway through the morning, Charity comes and barks that the shop needs their delivery of eggs a day earlier than they'd said. Vanessa immediately volunteers to go and do it. Half an hour away from this tension sounds amazing.

She's just coming out of the shop, when she sees Chas coming towards her and she raises her hand in greeting.

"Hey." Chas grins. "Alright?"

"Yeah, not too bad," Vanessa says, squinting at the sun as Chas approaches. "You?"

"Oh, fair to middling, sweetheart, you know how it is." Chas draws to a halt and wrinkles her nose. "Here, listen, I'm glad I ran into you." She leans in and lowers her voice. "I don't know if I've put my foot in it somehow, but I told our Charity that I saw you and Pete snogging out the front the other night and she got the right hump." Chas tilts her head. "I only thought it was a bit of harmless gossip, love, I promise. I wasn't trying to start anything."

Well. That clears  _that_ mystery up. "Right." Vanessa nods. "So  _that's_ why she's been growling at everyone since yesterday."

Charity's mood being driven by what appears to be good old fashioned jealousy, is terrifyingly exciting. Chas babbles on, keen to exonerate herself from any blame in this situation.

"I mean, I didn't think she'd take it that way. It's not like she fancies Pete is it? He's like a brother to her." Chas tilts her head. "Which, okay, in our family isn't a dealbreaker." Vanessa's face is getting hotter by the second and she knows it must be bright red. Chas continues. "Not that Charity really needs a reason to go off on one. With her the slightest little thing cou-" Chas' eyes land on her and she stops short, eyes widening slightly. "Oh." Vanessa just stands there, blushing, as whatever conclusion Chas has come to causes a huge smile to break out. Chas bumps her hip against Vanessa's, still grinning. "So, it's not  _Pete_ she fancies, then?"

"Nothing's happened," Vanessa says, as if that's what Chas had asked. "It's- We're-"

Chas holds her hands up. "None of my business, love."

"No, but-"

"You're a brave woman, though, taking on our Charity." Chas winks as she heads off, calling over her shoulder. "Good luck!"

Vanessa shakes her head. That's all she needs; teasing about some non-existent fling she's having with Charity. If she's got to put up with the teasing, she should at  _least_ get the fling an'all.

* * *

Back at the farm, a quick conversation with the boys ascertains that Charity's in the stables. And, despite their best attempts at warning her off, she steels herself and heads in. Charity's hefting tack around, and barely spares Vanessa a glance.

"Decided to come back then. Thought you'd gone to Easter Island with them eggs instead of David's."

Vanessa ignores her, determined to get out what she came to say. "There's nothing going on between me and Pete."

Charity pauses in her work, then shrugs and keeps walking. "Who said there was?"

"Chas told me she told you she saw us kissing." Vanessa meets Charity halfway, taking the saddle she's carrying and going to hang it up. "I assume that's why you'd been a moody c-" She catches herself when Charity spins to look at her. "Uh, I mean, a bit annoyed all of yesterday."

"As if I give a toss what the pair of you get up to." Charity rolls her eyes. She points an accusatory finger at Vanessa. "Just don't think you'll be sneaking off for a quickie whenever you feel like it on my time, yeah? I'm not paying either of you to roll in the hay." She wrinkles her nose. "My horses have got to eat it, for one thing."

"We're not! We wouldn't!" Vanessa sighs. "Like I said, nothing's going on. It was just a kiss and I... I just wanted you to know that. I don't fancy Pete and he doesn't fancy me. So. Yeah."

Charity widens her eyes. "Well, thanks for that extra special glimpse into your sex life, Vanessa. I'll be sure to alert the Hotten Courier." She shrugs. "Any more thrilling updates, or can I actually go and get some work done now?"

She hadn't really thought much beyond telling Charity about Pete. And, if she  _had_  thought about it, maybe she'd pictured Charity's face flooding with relief at the admission. And she  _might_ have imagined Charity striding to her, taking her face in her hands and kissing her. But this sarcastic dismissal does seem more realistic, now she thinks about it.

"No, that was about it," Vanessa says with a sigh.

"Brilliant." Charity kicks a bucket towards her. "And since you've no life to speak of, you might as well muck out these stalls for me, eh?"

With a final, fake, smile, Charity heads to the door, fumbling briefly with the dodgy lock before heading out and leaving Vanessa alone. She picks up the bucket and a brush and slumps over to the nearest stall. Leaving the tools there, she takes a chance and goes to check on Lennox. As expected, when he lays eyes on her, he harrumphs and moves to the back of the stall.

"Hey big fella." Vanessa says, adopting the same tone of voice she's heard Charty use with him. "How's your day going?" He whinnies and tosses his head. She nods. "Yeah, that's about the same as mine." She leans on the half door of his stall and rests her chin on her arms. "Your mistress i'n't half frustrating at times, Lennox. But you probably know that, yeah? She's so flamin' flippant that it's hard to know when she's being serious about something and when she's not." The horse snorts and it makes Vanessa smile. "No, you're right. She's also funny. And strong." She rolls her eyes. "And gorgeous, of course." "She's...well, she's pretty amazing, really." Smiling, she reaches her hand out, letting her arm dangle over the barrier, closing her eyes. "But you know that an'all, don't you?"

A puff of air warms her hands and her eyes snap open to find Lennox sniffing her hand. Holding her breath, she lets him get comfortable, then slowly lifts her hand, gently stroking his muzzle. He only puts up with it for a few seconds before huffing and moving away, but it's enough to bolster her confidence. She smiles.

"Well, this has been nice, Lennox, but I can't be stood here talking to you all day." She winks at him. "I can't have Deirdre getting jealous."

* * *

Charity's hostility dies down a bit after that day, and life goes on. There's still the odd jibe here and there about her and Pete, but Charity seems to have accepted the fact that nothing's going on between them at least. Her and the boys have just finished the evening milking, and are heading back to the cottage, when Charity comes out of the main house.

Vanessa stops walking. Ross collides with her back, nearly toppling them both over. Pete catches Vanessa's elbows and keeps her upright, while Ross manages to stumble a few paces and not go down.

"What the hell are you playing-" He follows Vanessa's gaze and his scowl melts into a grin. "Oh. Never seen her tarted up before, eh?"

Shaking her head, Vanessa swallows, her throat dry. Charity's wearing a knee-length black dress with a pair of heels higher than Vanessa would have expected from someone she's only seen in riding boots or wellies. She's got a hot pink blazer on and she's rummaging in a matching clutch. Her hair is loose and blowing in the gentle breeze, the alchemy of the early evening sunlight turning it to gold. Vanessa's never seen anyone as beautiful.

A gentle finger under Vanessa's chin snaps her mouth shut and she ducks her head, looking up at Pete with flaming cheeks. He just smiles and shakes his head. "I'm gonna settle the horses in for the night."

He heads off to the stables and Charity looks over at the remaining pair, sensing she has an audience, perhaps. Holding her arms out to the side, she turns, showing off her outfit.

"Will I do?" She starts down the path as they head up to meet her.

"You look amazing," Vanessa says, before she can decide if that's something she should be saying.

"Been a while since we've seen you scrubbed up, Charity. Who's the poor bloke you've got your eyes on, then?" Ross asks, blunt as a spoon, and Vanessa's stomach lurches. She was so thrown by Charity's appearance that she hadn't quite realised it meant that she was going out. And probably not by herself.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Charity says, flashing him a terrifying smile. Her eyes flick to Vanessa for a fraction of a second and back to Ross. She tilts her head. "Who says it's a bloke, anyway?"

That's, somehow, even worse. Luckily, Ross' eyes have lit up. "Ooooooh." He sidles up to Charity, linking their arms and letting his wrist flop. "Do tell. And I am talking details, here. Hair colour and bra size, if possible."

Charity shakes herself free of Ross' grip and narrows her eyes at him. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm heading into town for a few drinks and some grown-up conversation with a beautiful, charming lady, as it happens."

The bitter tang of bile sits at the back of Vanessa's throat, threatening. She can't even conjure up a smile at Ross' delighted cackle and applause. She's saved from having to react by Pete jogging up from the stables, calling Charity's name. She turns to him scowling.

"What is it? My taxi should've been here ten minutes ago, I'm late as it is!"

"It's Lennox," Pete says, a little out of breath. "He's kicking off. Looks like there's something wrong with his back leg but I can't get close enough to him to take a look. Will I ring the vets to-"

"No!" Charity is firm. "Paddy's away this weekend. I want to see him and be sure we need somebody before getting anyone else out here." She sighs. "I'll deal with it." She goes into her bag and thrusts a tenner at Vanessa. "Cancel the taxi when it turns up, yeah?" Then she's off in the direction of the stables with Pete, navigating the uneven ground amazingly well in heels.

Vanessa slaps the tenner on Ross' stomach. "Cancel the taxi when it comes. I'm gonna give Charity a hand."

"What? In front of our Pete? You filthy get. Can I come and watch an'all?" Ross shouts after her. She casts a dark look over her shoulder at him, but keeps going.

When she reaches the stables, Charity's kicked off her heels and is pulling on a pair of riding boots. They don't exactly go with her dress, but somehow she looks even sexier than before. Vanessa can hear Lennox whinnying and snorting, clearly in distress. Charity frowns when she sees Vanessa's there.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm here to help you. You said yourself, he lets me closer than anyone but you."

Charity sighs and turns to Pete. "Right, no point you being here an'all. You know how he is around blokes."

Pete nods. "I know. Come and get me if you need me though, yeah?"

"We will," Vanessa assures him.

He squeezes Charity's shoulder on the way past and heads out. Charity's over by Lennox's stall, talking to him in that soft tone that makes Vanessa's stomach twist. Vanessa lifts the chair that's propping the door open and carries it over to the stall, setting it against the fence and climbing up to stand on it. Charity frowns up at her.

"Babe, I know you're only little, but even you can see over this, surely?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "I'm just trying to get a better view of what's going on with his leg. See how he's carrying himself."

Lennox is definitely limping and holding his foot up off the ground. She observes the muscles in the bad leg; they seem to be operating fine. He keeps trying to put the foot down, but then immediately lifting it back up.

"I think there's something up with his hoof," she tells Charity, eyes still on the horse. "The leg looks fine, but it's hurting him to put weight on his foot."

"Wow. Five years of vet school and that's your diagnosis?" Charity rolls her eyes. "I could have flamin' well told you that."

Vanessa ignores the sarcasm, knowing that Charity's upset. She jumps down from the chair and nods. "Right, if you can talk him down a bit, I'll try and get a look at his hoof."

"Fine. But wait out here until I say so." Charity opens the stall and walks in. Lennox hobbles to the back, announcing his displeasure at the visit. "Oi, you, don't start with that huffiness now," Charity tells him, though her tone is much more soothing than her words. "It's not that when I'm sneaking you sugar cubes and apples, is it? Oh, no, you're all over me then."

Vanessa watches as she takes her time, approaching the horse slowly, and talking to him all the while. She moves closer in stages, letting him get used to the distance each time, until she's stood right in front of him. She lets him see her hands, lets him know she's going to touch him, before she strokes his neck, then his face. It must be twenty minutes since they came in here, but Charity doesn't stop her constant stream of soothing nonsense. Eventually, he settles, even moving closer to Charity, bumping her shoulder with his head as if he's asking her for help.

Without waiting for Charity's instruction, Vanessa enters the stall and approaches the pair of them.

"What are you doing?" Charity asks, without varying the soothing tone she's using for Lennox. "I told you to wait out there until-"

"Until he was settled, and he is." Vanessa rests a hand on his back end, stroking firmly.

Charity sighs. "I messed up not getting you to sign a disclaimer when you first started here. ' _Charity Dingle cannot be held responsible for serious injury or death resulting from utter stupidity_ '."

"Well." Vanessa's lengthening her strokes now, moving down onto the troublesome leg, getting him used to the idea that she's going to touch it. "If he kicks me in the head and I die, you've got my permission to fake my signature on one."

"That's not funny." Charity glares at her, then sniffs. "I'm not going to jail for forgery on your account."

Vanessa smiles, turning and putting her legs on either side of the foot Lennox can't put down, grasping his ankle firmly. He protests a bit, but Charity starts up her babbling again and he soon settles.

"There's the problem," Vanessa mutters. There's a tiny stone that's somehow got trapped between Lennox's shoe and his hoof. She looks around for anything she could use to get it out, but there's nothing handy. She doesn't necessarily want to have to get him back into this position again, so she judges the angle the stone is at and decides it doesn't look like it's wedged too far in. She takes a breath. "Hold him steady," she warns Charity, and then she uses her fingernail to ease the stone out. Thankfully, it comes out easily, because Lennox drags his foot out of her grip, whinnying and pulling his head out of Charity's grip. He trots away, still tentative about his sore foot, but he soon realises that he can put it down without pain.

"See? We were only trying to help!" Charity tells him, smiling when he snorts in response. She rolls her eyes. "Typical bloke. Not so much as a thank you." She dusts her hands off on her dress and moves closer to Vanessa. "What was it?"

Vanessa holds up the tiny pebble. "This little beggar. Doesn't look much, but it'd have been causing him a lot of pain and it might've ended up as an abscess if we hadn't caught it now."

There's a look of soft amusement on Charity's face that makes Vanessa feel warm. "So, you  _are_ a proper vet, then."

Scowling playfully, Vanessa shoves her. "Doubting my skills, were you?" She moves to the edge of the stall and chucks the pebble in the direction of the bin that's by the door. It misses by quite a margin. She closes her eyes.

"Oh, babe, for a second there you were  _almost_ cool." Charity says, much closer to her ear than she'd expected.

She turns around and take a step back, putting a little distance between them. She shoves her hands in her back pockets. She tries to smile. "Can, uh, can you still make your date?"

Charity rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah, folk love it when you turn up an hour late reeking of stables." She heaves a sigh. "No, buttercup, looks like my dancing shoes won't be getting a workout tonight."

The adrenaline and pride from being able to help Lennox still pulsing in her veins must make her brave, or reckless, because when they step outside Lennox's stall, Vanessa doesn't make a move to leave. Instead, she heads over to an old, battered radio Ross keeps out here and switches it on, ignoring how shaky her hands are. She finds some inoffensive mid-tempo song she vaguely recognises and, inhaling deeply, turns back to Charity She holds out her hand.

Charity lifts an eyebrow. For a second Vanessa thinks this is all going to come tumbling down on top of her. But then Charity reaches out and grasps her fingers and the world starts up again. They come together gradually, hands, hips, chests. There's no spoken agreement about what's allowed; where hands should go or how intimate this should be. Before long Vanessa's head is resting on Charity's shoulder, one hand still in hers, the other on Charity's waist.

It's the most right she's ever felt in her life. Everything else has been a pantomime of fitting in, she thinks. She's played this part or that, being what she needed to be or what was expected of her. But here, now, there's no need to think about what she  _should_ do or  _should_ feel. She just does. She just feels. And it's perfect.

Too soon, the song ends and although she wants to stay this close to Charity for longer, propriety forces her to step back.

"There." Vanessa smiles, as if her whole world hasn't just shifted on its axis. "You got a dance after all."

There's some satisfaction in the way Charity seems off-balance. After a second, she grins and shrugs, but it's lacking that cocky front that usually accompanies Charity's interactions. "So I did." Charity laughs, nervously. "So, fixing my horse, dancing in my barn...I might think you were trying to seduce me, Vanessa Woodfield."

Vanessa swallows, determined not to back down again. "What if I was?"

Charity tilts her head, moving closer. "And this seduction, is it going to involve you panicking and running away again?" She widens her eyes. "'Cause I've got to say, babe. Not a turn on." She wrinkles her nose. "Come to think of it, neither is the smell of horse shit, so maybe we should take this conversation somewhere else, eh?"

"Fine by me," Vanessa says, amazed that her voice isn't shaking.

There's a flicker of surprise in Charity's eyes, like she wasn't expecting Vanessa to agree to moving elsewhere. Charity's gaze drifts to somewhere over her shoulder, and her smile falls.

"Where's the chair?" Charity asks.

Vanessa frowns. "What chair?"

"The one that was propping the door open because the lock's buggered."

Realisation hits them both at the same time and they look over to where Vanessa had dragged the chair to stand on.

"I...didn't realise-" Vanessa starts.

"Oh, this is great, this is," Charity rubs her face. "It's my own fault for employing a leprechaun, I s'pose."

Wanting to remedy the situation she's caused, Vanessa starts pounding on the door. "Pete! Ross! Help!"

"No, no." Charity drags her away, just as the horses all start whinnying and neighing at the unexpected noise. "How the hell is that going to be of any use if they're up at the house, eh?"

"Well, they could be still out and about!" Vanessa protests. "Have you got any better ideas?"

"Than being stuck in a stable with you?" Charity crosses her arms, jutting her hip out. "Quite a few, actually."

"Oh really?" Vanessa reckons she might as well push while she has the chance. "Then why were you so bothered by the idea of me kissing Pete?"

Charity, of course, rolls her eyes. "I wasn't."

"Yeah, you were," Vanessa nods. "You were right mardy about it. You still are."

"Maybe I'm just naturally mardy, Vanessa. Ever think about that?" Vanessa goes to respond, but Charity presses on. "And anyway, why did you look like you wanted to cry when I told you I was going out tonight?"

She could play this like Charity's currently playing it. Laugh it off as nothing important, with a flippant remark and an eyeroll. But that's not her style, never has been. So she squares her shoulders and holds Charity's gaze. "I didn't want you going out with...with anyone else."

Charity tilts her head like a puppy hearing an unusual noise. "Anyone else but who, babe?"

" _Charity_ ," Vanessa whines.

"Anyone else but you?"

"Yeah." Vanessa swallows hard. "I didn't want you to go on a date with anyone who wasn't me."

"I see." Charity's trying to remain unaffected, but there's a definite flush across the top of her chest. "Well...I don't know how it works with you brainy, student types, but round here it's traditional to  _ask_ somebody if that's what you want to happen. You know, instead of relying on telepathy."

"Oh, yeah, 'cause you've been so receptive to conversation lately."

Charity takes a step towards her, holding her arms out to her sides. "Well, here I am. Captive audience." She lifts an eyebrow in challenge and Vanessa falters, a lifetime of insecurity and repression rushing in until she feels like she might drown. Then Charity takes another step closer. She's close enough that Vanessa can feel the heat from her body. She looks up into clear green eyes that are darker than she can ever remember seeing them. "What do you want, Vanessa?" Charity whispers.

It's the first time she can remember anyone asking her that. It's never been about what she wanted. It was about what her mother expected. What her tutors thought her capable of. What the succession of boys she dated wanted of her. For the first time in her life, she knows what she wants, and the answer comes easily.

"I want you."

Charity smiles. "Thought as much." Her finger is gentle beneath Vanessa's chin as she tilts her face up, leaning in until their lips brush together.

If Vanessa thought dancing with Charity felt right, then this is the next level of feeling right. It's not like she's any stranger to kissing. She started kissing boys probably before she should have, because that's what the girls on Neighbours and Byker Grove did. She never particularly felt anything during it; it was just something you did to pass the time. But as Charity's hands tighten around her hips, pulling her closer, and her own arms go around Charity's shoulders, she finally  _gets_ why people go on about it so much. It's not just skin coming into contact with someone else's skin; it's connection. Deep and raw and primal. And she never wants to stop doing it.

So when Charity tries to draw back, she holds on, whining and pressing herself forward. Charity laughs against her mouth. "Here, kid, slow down. Plenty of time for all this."

"Sorry," Vanessa drops down from where she's risen up on her toes. "Sorry, I-"

"Hey, don't say sorry," Charity presses her thumb to Vanessa's lips, shaking her head. She smiles. "That was some kiss."

Vanessa brightens. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Charity laughs. "Lucky I took my heels off, mind, or you'd have needed a stepladder."

"You're hilarious, you." Vanessa pokes her in the stomach. "Can, uh, can we do it again?"

Charity's eyes drop to her lips. "Oh, yeah, I think there'll be a lot more of it to come." She looks at their surroundings. "But, since it looks like we're stuck in her for the foreseeable, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret of mine."

Stepping away from Vanessa, Charity moves to the far end of the stables, hunting around in a box for something and emerging with a key. Vanessa's eyes widen, her stomach clenching at the thought of what might happen after they get out of here.

"Is that a spare?"

"Nah, that'd be  _too_ organised," Charity says. She beckons Vanessa closer and takes her around behind where they keep the tack. There's a door there that Vanessa's never noticed before. Charity unlocks it and flicks on a lightswitch, stepping back so Vanessa can enter in front of her.

"Wh-what's this?" she asks, looking up the wooden staircase in front of her. She can't see anything at the top.

"This is my sex dungeon, Vanessa." She spins to look at Charity, who rolls her eyes. "It's  _not_ , obviously." Charity nods up the stairs. "Go on. Or do you need me to hold your hand?"

Vanessa frowns, starting up the stairs, but falters when Charity's hand slips into her own. She looks over her shoulder and gets an embarrassed smile. She squeezes Charity's hand in response and keeps going. When she reaches the top, she smiles. There's an easy chair next to a bookcase full of books.

She turns as Charity reaches the top of the stairs, looking sheepish. "Charity-" she begins, in a whisper, but can't think of anything to say. It feels like such a privilege to be shown this. To be brought to Charity's special, secret place.

"I used to come up here and read a lot when Tom was alive. We had a full staff back then and I wasn't so busy all the time." She nods to the far corner, where Vanessa now notices an old mattress. "And then, when we first got Lennox, I'd sometimes stay up here so I could be close to him in case he panicked." She laughs a little at herself. "And then, sometimes, I'd come up just to-" She shakes her head and tugs Vanessa over to the mattress. She points to the skylight and Vanessa gasps. It's not fully dark yet, but the stars are visible in the purple of the evening sky. It looks like it goes on forever and Vanessa can see why Charity would come up just for this view.

She looks into Charity's eyes, slowly lowering herself onto the mattress, making sure that's what Charity had in mind when she brought her up here. Charity follows with only the gentlest pull on their joined hands and they end up shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the endless sky, fingers still twisted together between them.

It'd be perfect, if not for the slight niggle in Vanessa's gut that she needs to satisfy before they go any further.

"Who, um, who was your date with tonight?" She squeezes her eyes closed. "Anyone I know?"

"Yeah, I think you do know her, actually." Vanessa holds her breath when Charity pauses. "Chas, I think her name is. Barmaid in the Woolpack."

Vanessa lurches up, leaning on her elbow and looking down at Charity's now highly amused face. "Chas? Seriously?"

Charity just lifts an eyebrow. "I never said it was a date, did I? I just said I was meeting a beautiful woman in town for a drink. You  _assumed_ it was a date."

"And you let me!" Vanessa protests, her earlier unease dissipating.

"You kissed Pete!" Charity fires back.

"Ugh, fine, whatever." Vanessa can't keep the grin off her face, even though she's trying to remain indignant.

"How about you make up for that by kissing me a bit more, eh?" Charity asks, her hand sliding up over Vanessa's shoulder to the back of her neck. Vanessa goes to her easily, as if they've been kissing for years. Decades. Centuries.

After a pleasant few moments, Charity rolls them over so that she's on top of Vanessa, her hand framing Vanessa's ribcage before sliding up to follow the contour of her breast, cupping and squeezing exquisitely. Vanessa moans against her mouth, arching up into the contact. Her own hands roam freely over Charity's back, up under her blazer and over the smooth material of her dress. She's so warm and soft and Vanessa can't get enough of her, can't get close enough.

When Charity's fingers start to undo the buttons on Vanessa's shirt, panic shudders through her and she pushes it down. Charity must sense something, because she lifts her head from where she's kissing Vanessa's neck, looking down at her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah!" Vanessa smiles too wide and nods too fast. "Yeah, totally." This does not appear to convince Charity, so Vanessa sighs and relents. "It's just that I-I've never, you know, with a woman."

"Oh. Well." Charity smiles. "That's alright. We can...stop or-"

"No!" Vanessa shakes her head. "No, please don't stop." She might die if they stop now. "I just wanted you to know in case I do something wrong or I'm rubbish at it or-"

Charity laughs softly at that. "It's pretty straightforward, babe." She leans down and kisses Vanessa's jaw. "We can go slow as you like." She presses a kiss just below Vanessa's earlobe. "We'll just see what feels good, yeah?"

"Yeah," Vanessa breathes, her hand on the back of Charity's head. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Good."

Charity undoes another button, then shifts down to press her face against the bare skin of Vanessa's chest and Vanessa just lets herself fall into it, giving herself over to sensation.

As Charity peels back each piece of her clothing, it feels like a year of suppressed longing goes with it. All those years of trying not to have these feelings, of trying to fit in and be normal. And for what? To lie there and think of England while some spotty student pounded into her with no regard for her body or her pleasure when she could have been feeling like this the whole time.

Charity's hands, rough and calloused from farm work, feel like velvet on her skin. Her mouth is warm and skilled and veers between whispering soft reassurances to her and igniting fires wherever it touches.

She comes for the first time with Charity's head between her legs and one of her hands grasped tightly in Vanessa's own. And if there are tears on her face when Charity slides up to kiss her, they're of relief. The relief of knowing that there  _is_ something beyond what she'd allowed herself to feel previously and it's big and scary and wonderful and real.

Laughing and crying, she pulls Charity close and presses her nose into her neck. Above them, the sky has darkened and the stars have come out in full force.

It feels like they're shining just for them.

To illuminate this perfect moment in time.


	4. There was a difference in her laughter (There was a softness in her eyes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Charity enjoy the summer together.

When she wakes the following morning, she waits for the wave of shame to crash over her, as it always does when she finds herself in these situations. She waits for the panic to rise in her chest, for her brain to tell her to find a way out as quickly as possible. But it doesn't come. There's no disappointment sitting heavy in her stomach either, making her feel physically sick. This, the weight of Charity's arm over her waist and the press of her breasts against her back, feels perfect.

This must be how it  _should_ feel, she thinks. All those meaningless encounters with blokes had led her to believe that sex was a necessary evil. A means to an end. Not that she ever really reached an 'end' with them. It was more of an escape from reality for a few moments. The blissful, clumsy, amazing, giggly hours she'd spent with Charity the previous evening were light years away from anything else she's ever had.

Hot tears burn at the back of her eyes.  _This_ is what she could have, if she just allows herself the freedom to feel; a genuine connection with someone. With  _Charity_.

She sniffs and blinks the tears away, fairly certain that waking up to someone crying is a big turn-off. Charity shifts against her, letting out a soft groan and tightening her arm around Vanessa's waist. Vanessa holds her breath, wondering if she's going to wake up. The fluttering in her stomach is a good one, though. Not the dread of having to make smalltalk with some random idiot from her Animal Husbandry tutorial whose name she can barely remember. But Charity settles down again, snoring lightly against the back of her neck. She smiles.

Her eyes land on a pile of books and magazines lying on the floor beside the mattress. There are a couple of puzzle books, the kind she's seen Charity working on in rare quiet moments. Moving as little as possible, she reaches over and sifts through the pile, surprised when her fingers meet a leatherbound book. She picks it up and turns it to read the well worn spine. It's a copy of The Secret Garden.

Smiling, she flicks through its pages, inhaling the dry, dusty smell that takes her back to days spent huddled in the corner of the the library her mum's WI group used to meet in, getting lost in the lands at the of the Magic Faraway Tree or visiting that chocolate factory with Charlie.

Taking a moment to admire the illustrations peppered throughout the pages, she quickly finds the chapter she was looking for and begins to read. It's not long before she's absorbed; the words and passages so familiar that it feels like she's run across these moors herself, that she's seen the garden bloom and shared whispered confidences with Mary and Dickon.

"Discovered my reading level, then?"

The words are murmured against her ear, startling her. She tenses, then relaxes when Charity pulls her closer. She covers Charity's hands with one of her own, letting the book fall onto the mattress as she tips her head back against Charity's shoulder.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack."

Charity hums into her neck before she places a long, wet kiss there. "Can't have that, can we? I've got plans that involve you staying alive for a little while yet."

Vanessa smiles and turns to meet Charity's lips in a soft kiss. She threads her fingers into Charity's hair, keeping her close. "Only a little while?"

Charity's eyes flit away. "I'll take what I can get." She reaches over Vanessa and picks up the discarded book, rolling onto her back and opening it. "I loved this book when I was a young 'un."

"Me too." Vanessa moves closer to her, cuddling into her side and looking at the pages with her as she turns them. "I always loved how Dickon could talk to the animals. I think that's maybe why I wanted to become a vet."

"Oh yeah?" Charity drops the book to her chest and turns to look at Vanessa. "I quite fancied Dickon when I was younger. All that talk of ruddy cheeks and eyes the colour of the sky over the moor." She traces her thumb under Vanessa's eye and then turns to look up at the skylight. When she turns back, she's grinning. "Pretty close, babe."

Blushing, Vanessa pushes her face into Charity's shoulder. She pulls back suddenly. " _Lennox_!"

Charity lifts her eyebrows. "Wow. Just made that connection, have you?"

"Oh my God," Vanessa says, shaking her head, her smile growing as she watches Charity's brow crease in confusion.

"What?" Charity demands.

"You named your horse after a character from your favourite book." Vanessa whispers. "Just when I thought you couldn't get any more adorable."

Charity rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah. Adorable, right enough. I named him that because he's a stubborn, mardy little so and so. Just like she is."

Vanessa smiles, biting her lip to keep herself from pointing out who else that description might apply to. She lays her head on Charity's shoulder, tracing mindless patterns over her chest with her forefinger. They lie in pleasant silence, letting the early morning sun through the skylight warm them.

"S'pose we better make a move and see what them boys are up to," Charity sighs. "And give them a talking to for not coming to check on you when you didn't come in last night."

"Don't be too hard on them, eh?" Vanessa props her chin on Charity's chest. "If we hadn't got locked in here, who knows when we'd have finally got round to-" She flushes. "You know."

"Sex?" Charity laughs. "Someone who's as good at it as you are should be able to say the word, babe."

"I  _can_ say the word," Vanessa says, slapping Charity's belly gently. "But I-" She swallows. "It just felt like more than that. For me, at least." She looks up at Charity through her lashes. "Is it always like that? With a woman?"

She realises after she asks the question that she really could be setting herself up for a disappointment. Charity's probably slept with loads of women. It's not going to be special for her, not like it was for Vanessa. Not like it changed her whole world view or anything.

Charity looks at her for a long moment, her brow lightly creased as if she's thinking. Then she shakes her head. "No. It's not." She lifts her head and kisses Vanessa's nose. "It's really not."

* * *

They get back into the clothes they'd been wearing the previous evening. When Vanessa notices Charity struggling with the zip of her dress, she steps in and takes over, using it as an opportunity to admire Charity's back and shoulders before they disappear under the garment. And, just because she can, she presses a kiss to the nape of Charity's neck. Charity turns to her, hair unkempt and wild, make-up smudged, in last night's dress and a pair of old boots. Vanessa's never seen anyone look as sexy.

"Oi." Charity says, lifting an eyebrow. "Get that look off your face. There's stuff needs doing."

"Am I 'stuff'?" Vanessa asks, without thinking, cringing immediately at the terrible joke.

Charity throws her head back and laughs. "Oh, babe. Please never say anything like that again if you plan on a repeat of last night."

Feeling bold, Vanessa tilts her head in challenge, folding her arms over her chest. "You laughed, though."

Charity copies her stance. "Think that's what I'm after in my bed, do you? A comedian?"

Vanessa shrugs. "Is it so terrible to be able to have a laugh with someone you're sleeping with?"

There's a longer pause than she expects, then Charity lifts her chin. "Can't say the two have gone hand in hand for me before, if I'm honest."

"Me neither, really," Vanessa admits. Crossing the few steps that separate her from Charity, she bumps their shoulders together. "But you make me laugh."

A hint of pink colours the top of Charity's cheeks before she turns away. "Yeah, well, nobody'll be laughing if we're all working till midnight 'cause we're so far behind."

For a second, hurt blooms in Vanessa's chest at being dismissed, but she fights it down. She knows that this is what Charity's like. She's guarded and unwilling to discuss her feelings seriously, and Vanessa can hardly expect her to have changed overnight. So she follows Charity down the narrow staircase and out into the main stable. The door is propped open with the same chair Vanessa moved the previous night and the horses have clearly been tended to.

"Well, wonders will never cease," Charity mutters.

Just at that, Ross comes in, carrying a bag of feed. When he lays eyes on them, he stops and grins, dropping the bag and starting a slow clap. Pete comes in at his back, a bag on each shoulder. He rolls his eyes at Ross.

"Leave them be." Pete gives Vanessa a quick wink before going about his business.

"'Bout time the two of you sorted this out," Ross says, shaking his head. "Every time you were near each other I thought the hay was gonna catch fire."

"Shut it, you," Charity warns him, but there's no bite to her voice.

Ross ignores her and slings an arm around Vanessa's shoulders, leading her away. "So, since you've no lady friends you can talk to around here, I'm gonna volunteer to be the one you tell about last night over drinks, yeah? In great detail, if possible. I need specifics if I'm gonna be picturing it properly."

She's about to tell him where to get off when a horseshoe flies over his shoulder, quite close to his ear. They both turn to find Charity tossing a second horseshoe between her hands. She lifts an eyebrow. "The next one won't miss."

Ross holds up his hands and backs away. "Right you are, boss. Was only kidding any road." Charity nods and goes to speak to Pete. Ross winks at Vanessa and mouths ' _Later'_.

Smiling, she pushes him away and moves over to stand by Charity. She touches her back lightly to get her attention, letting it slide to just above the swell of her backside. Charity finishes up her conversation with Pete and he joins Ross in emptying the bags of feed out into the barrel. Vanessa smiles up at Charity.

"I'm gonna grab a quick shower before I get to work, if that's okay?"

"'Course, babe. Take your time." Charity winks. "Best grab a coffee an'all, since you never got much sleep last night."

Her face heats up at the memory and she sways into Charity, nudging her gently. "And whose fault was that?"

"All yours, buttercup," Charity says, as they leave the stable. "You were the one that locked us in there."

"Hmmm." Vanessa lengthens her strides to keep up with Charity. "Am I going to have to lock you in a room every time I want a snog, then?"

Charity laughs. "Maybe." She stops walking and swipes a strand of hair behind Vanessa's ear, tilting her head. "Why don't you come over later on and find out?"

All Vanessa can do in response is nod. Because it's  _real_ now. She'll go over later and it'll just be the two of them and she won't need to pretend that she doesn't notice how beautiful Charity is or that she doesn't want to kiss her. If she wants to kiss her, she'll be able to. She wants to kiss her right now, so she goes up on her tiptoes and presses a soft kiss to her lips. "I'll see you later."

And, before she can do anything embarrassing, she turns and heads down towards the cottage. She can't resist glancing back over her shoulder, though, and is thrilled to see Charity in the same spot she'd left her; just watching her walk away. When she's caught, she immediately pretends to be examining the gatepost and Vanessa smiles. It's nice to know she has an effect on Charity as well.

* * *

She does go up to the big house that night. And the night after that. And the night after that until she's stopped thinking of the room in the cottage as hers.

* * *

Day to day, it feels like nothing much has changed. The demands of the farm remain. The cows don't give a toss that Vanessa would rather stay in bed half an hour longer, trying to memorise Charity's entire body by touch. Life goes on.

But things  _have_ changed. Or Vanessa's changed. She's not sure which it is. She feels lighter, like she did when she admitted to Pete that she fancied girls. But multiplied by a million. That oppressive fear she's carried round with her for her whole life, or at least since her early teens, has gone. The space it left in her chest is now taken up with something warm and wonderful and it makes the world feel just a little bit brighter.

She's sure it's not just her imagination, either. Charity also seems happier than before. Of course she's still mardy and she yells at them probably just as much as she did. But she smiles more too. And Vanessa catches her watching her when she thinks she's not looking, with such softness in her eyes it makes Vanessa's heart flutter.

They still spend most of their evenings with Pete and Ross. Vanessa sometimes cooks for them all up at the big house, and she stands on the step with Charity, waving to the boys as they head back to the cottage. They still venture out to the pub sometimes. Charity stands closer to her now when they chat with people. Their shoulders press together when they're stood at the bar with their drinks. It's those tiny things that stoke the warmth inside her.

When it's just the two of them, when Charity's hands are all over her, on her, inside her, she forgets she ever associated this with shame or fear.

* * *

"Our Pete would suit one of them earrings, don't you think?" Ross comments to her as they're tagging some of the cows one afternoon. Vanessa rolls her eyes and holds up a tag to Ross' ear.

"No, but you might."

He picks up another tag and holds them both to his ears, pouting and striking a pose. "What d'you reckon? Is puke green my colour?"

"Yeah, really brings out your eyes, sweetheart," Vanessa tells him, laughing.

Pete comes over and lets himself into the pen. "Boss is on her way up to see you," he tells Vanessa. "I'll take over here."

"Me?" Vanessa sighs. "What've I done?" She wrinkles her nose. "Did it sound like I was in for a right bollockin'?"

"A right fingering, more like," Ross puts in, and Vanessa punches him as hard as she can on his arm. It hurts her wrist far more than it hurts him.

Pete's ears have gone red at Ross' interjection, but he takes the tagging gun from her and shakes his head. "No, I think she just wants-"

His words are drowned out by the tractor thundering towards them. Charity swings it round and opens the door, grinning down at them. "Right, lady, your chariot has arrived. I'm taking you for lunch." She beckons with her head. "Hop in."

Vanessa frowns. "Hop in where? There's no room for me."

With a slow smile, Charity lifts an eyebrow. "S'pose you'll just have to sit on my lap then, eh?" She pats her thigh then reaches a hand down. "You coming or what?"

Ignoring Ross' juvenile cackling, Vanessa takes Charity's hand and allows herself to be helped up into the cab of the tractor. It's even tighter than she remembers and she has to manoeuvre herself around the gears and the steering wheel so that she can wedge herself sideways on Charity's lap. It's a bit awkward, but it's always a thrill to be close to Charity this way. Ross comes and leans his forearms on the wheel-arch, smiling up at them, the cattle tags now hooked onto the tops of his ears.

"You know, me and Pete could put in a grievance. It's favouritism, is this."

"That's right," Charity agrees. " _She's_  my favourite." Vanessa blushes and bumps her head gently against Charity's. "Put your grievances in writing to the manager and she'll get back to you in five to seven working months, yeah?"

With that, she yanks the tractor door closed and revs its engine, waiting for Ross to step away before she actually sets off. Vanessa's never driven the tractor, and she's unprepared for the amount of bouncing it involves. Her arms automatically tighten around Charity's shoulders and she yelps as she's lifted into the air by a particularly hard bump. Charity laughs and drives faster and soon Vanessa's laughing along with her.

She expects Charity to turn down the track that'll take them to the main road, but instead they head up to one of the high fields. Vanessa frowns when Charity shuts off the tractor.

"You said you were taking me for lunch?" she asks as she eases herself up and lowers herself down to solid ground. "Thought we'd be heading to the pub."

"Oh you did, did you?" Charity leans down and emerges with a carrier bag and blanket. "Well, you'll need to make do with some butties and warm cans of Coke." She jumps down and chucks the blanket to Vanessa. "And me. All to yourself."

Vanessa grins, unfolding the blanket and spreading it on the grass. "And you think your company makes up for warm Coke?"

Charity gasps, clicking her tongue. "Cheeky mare."

Dropping the food, Charity kicks her boots off, sitting cross legged on the blanket, where Vanessa joins her. They busy themselves sorting out the food Charity's brought; sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil, a couple of apples, a small box of strawberries and two cans of Coke. They chat about the morning's work and Charity laughs at Vanessa's impression of Ross getting his foot stood on by a cow.

The atmosphere changes, however, when Vanessa looks up and sees Charity taking a bite of a strawberry. Taking a bite isn't an accurate description, really. Whatever Charity's doing to that fruit, it's more than just taking a bite. Her lips are pursed around it, plump and reddened. Her eyes are locked with Vanessa's and when her teeth pierce the skin of the fruit, Vanessa sucks in a breath, now acutely aware of the seam of her denim shorts pressing against her. Charity makes a noise low in her throat and drags the strawberry, obscenely slowly, from between her lips, now glistening with its juice. She holds the rest of it out towards Vanessa as she chews.

"Fancy a taste?"

Shoving Charity's hand out of the way, Vanessa crashes their lips together, the sweet strawberry flavour floods her mouth as their tongues meet. She surges forward, lifting her knee over Charity's legs until she's straddling her, their lips never parting. Charity's hands cradle her hips, steadying her and electrifying her.

And then something cold and wet hits her square on the back of her neck. She screams and twists off of Charity, rolling across the blanket and landing on her back just in time to see another blast of water catch Charity in the chest. She reacts similarly, scooting backwards and gasping at the temperature. Vanessa turns to find Ross and Pete standing, armed with large water guns, laughing their heads off.

"You bastards!" she shrieks. "That's freezing!"

"Looked like you needed to cool off, love," Ross calls over.

"Cool off?" Charity growls as she scrambles to her feet. "You'll have all the time in the world to cool off if I give the pair of you your marching orders!"

"Oh, as if, Charity," Ross rolls his eyes. "Where you gonna find two more fine specimens like us out here?"

Vanessa's holding the back of her vest away from her body, trying to escape the cold. Charity's shirt is clinging to her chest in a very distracting manner, but she doesn't have long to contemplate it because Charity takes off towards the boys and is rewarded with another squirt of water, this time to her face. She turns away, spluttering, mostly with rage by the looks of it. Vanessa bites her lip to keep from laughing, but feels duty bound to intervene.

"Oi, leave her alone!"

Ross turns to her and grins. "Okay." And then he shoots at her. The water hits her front, which had escaped the first time, and it's even colder than before.

"Hey!" she protests, ducking away when he aims another jet of water at her. "This isn't a fair fight!"

Charity grabs her and plants her in front of her body, like a human shield. "Oh, that's very gallant, that is." She twists out of Charity's grasp and reverses their positions, hiding behind her as another squirt, this time from Pete, hits its mark. Charity squeals and darts forward again, but the boys take off back down the hill and there's no way she'll catch them. She slows down and comes to a stop, watching them run away.

Vanessa takes a moment to look at her, barefoot and silhouetted in the afternoon sun. She's like something from a painting. Tall and strong, with her hair blowing in the gentle breeze. She's beautiful.

When she turns back, the picture is somewhat spoiled by the scowl on her face. She's muttering something about castration and rusty knives when Vanessa cuts her off with a kiss. Their damp clothes cling and stick to each other. Vanessa's fingers are clumsy when they try to undo the buttons on Charity's shirt, but Charity wastes no time with Vanessa's vest, pulling it up and over her head, discarding it on the grass before returning, hungry for another kiss. She finally gets Charity's shirt undone and off her shoulders, letting it drop to the ground in a heavy heap as Charity walks her backwards, stumbling on the uneven ground until they reach the blanket. They fall onto it in a tangle of arms and legs. Chilled skin soon warms up under desperate hands and urgent lips.

* * *

A couple of days later, Charity asks Vanessa if she wants to come to an agricultural show with her. They're not showing any animals themselves, but Charity likes to get in there and speak to the suppliers, making sure she's getting the best deals and lining up contacts for the future. Vanessa readily agrees; a whole day away with just Charity sounds amazing.

The show is about an hour's drive away, and they set off just after the morning milking is done. The sky is clear and blue, sitting in stark contrast over the rolling green fields. Vanessa rolls down the window of the pick-up and lets her arm hang out of it, dragging her fingers through the air. She looks over at Charity and smiles. They take a turn on one of the twisting, climbing roads and Vanessa's breath catches in her throat.

"Pull over," she tells Charity.

"Eh? You gonna throw up?" Charity pulls over without waiting for an answer, stopping in a convenient lay-by.

"No. I just want to see this view," Vanessa says, getting out and walking over to the edge of the road. They've reached a high enough point to be able to see for miles across hill and dale, shining and vibrant in the summer sun. Vanessa's never been much of a country girl, into climbing hills or hiking or any of that lark. She's never gushed over the scenic vistas her mum and stepdad used to rave about when they were driving through the Lake District when she was younger. But today it feels like the world is showing her what she could have for the rest of her life if she wanted it. This place could be her home. She doesn't need to be in some big inner city, catering for people with tiny dogs and highly strung cats. She can be out in this big world every day if she chooses it.

Charity comes over to join her, still frowning in confusion. She shoves the sunglasses she's wearing up to the top of her head and stands beside Vanessa, arms crossed.

"What we looking at?"

Turning to her with a smile, Vanessa shrugs. "Everything."

"Course, yeah." Charity shakes her head. "For a minute there I thought you were going to be vague."

Laughing, Vanessa uncrosses Charity's arms and tugs them around her waist. They look out at the view for a few more minutes before Charity tilts her chin up with a gentle finger. Her eyes flit from Vanessa's face to somewhere above her head and back again several times before she smiles.

" _Exactly the colour of the sky over the moor_ ," she whispers.

Vanessa mentally chastises herself for ever assuming that admitting to liking girls would be akin to choosing a life of struggle or solitude. Because this moment, with this woman, is far beyond any romantic cliché she could've dreamed up when she was thirteen. As Charity leans in and kisses her softly, there's only one thought in her mind; this is perfection.

They manage to pass the rest of the drive without pulling over for impromptu sightseeing and snogging. After parking the car in a field, they head into the show itself. Vanessa's been to similar things when she's been on placement from uni and they're usually fun. Lots of shouting and banter and locals noising each other up about who has the best tup in Yorkshire. There are stalls selling local produce, and Charity buys them both a bacon roll and a coffee from a nice van with pictures of happy organic pigs painted on it.

They wander around for a bit, looking at machinery and passing comment on livestock here and there, when a voice cuts through the din.

"If it isn't the lady farmer and her bit of stuff, eh?"

Immediately she sees Charity's body change; her muscles tighten, readying themselves for a fight, or to run. They both turn to see Carl King strolling towards them, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

"Carl," Charity begins, sounding tired, but nervous. "C'mon, there's no need to cause a scene. We're just all out, minding our own business."

"Except it's not your business, is it?" Carl says, now menacingly close. Vanessa slips a hand around Charity's elbow, ready to pull her away if he makes a move. "It's  _my_ business. Or would've been, if you hadn't turned me dad's head with your-"

"My what, Carl?" Charity asks. "My feminine wiles? Fat chance. Your dad was as shrewd as they come. We both know that. He chose to leave the farm to me of his own free will."

Carl's lip curls in a sneer and he turns his attention to Vanessa. "Told you how she met my dad, has she?"

"Carl!" Charity puts her hand on his arm. "Leave it."

"It's none of my business," Vanessa says.

"He picked her up off the streets," Carl says, enjoying himself now as Charity pushes at him. "Hawking herself on a street corner in Leeds like the common little prossie she is."

It's like the words physically strike Charity and she stumbles backwards. Vanessa's chest constricts when she sees the pain in her eyes, stark and deep and awful. She reaches for her but Charity turns and disappears into the crowd.

"Charity!" Vanessa moves to follow her, but Carl catches her arm and she turns back to see him offering a smile, all false sympathy.

"Best you find out now, love. Before you get any more attached." He winks and her stomach lurches. "And if you're looking for a bloke to sort you out, you give me a call, yeah?"

Vanessa yanks her arm free of his hold, her nose wrinkling in disgust. "Even if I was on the lookout for a bloke, I'm not sure you qualify." She looks him up and down. "I'd call you an animal, but I like animals too much."

His face has darkened and he's glowering at her from lowered brows. "Now you listen to me, you little dyke, don't y-"

"No, you listen to me," Vanessa's proud of herself for not immediately bursting into tears when  _that_  word is directed at her. Not so long ago, she would have. She pokes him in the chest with her index finger. "You stay away from Holdgate, right? If I see you near there again I'll call the police."

"And what? Report me for rambling?"

"I'll report you for harassment." She shakes her head. "Stay away from her."

And with that, she heads off in the direction that Charity took, looking around to see if she can spot her in the crowd, but to no avail. After ten minutes or so of searching, she gives up and heads back to the pick-up; Charity'll need to show up there at some point. As she gets closer to it, she can see Charity's already in the driver's seat. Vanessa opens the door and gets in. Charity doesn't even look in her direction as she starts the truck up and revs the engine as she heads for the exit.

Once they're out on the open road, Charity finally speaks. "Did the two of you have a nice chat after I left? I'll bet he filled you in on all the sordid details of my life, yeah?"

"Uh, no." Vanessa frowns. "I told him to get lost and then came to find you."

Charity looks over at her quickly and then back at the road, her face betraying her surprise. "What? You weren't the slightest bit interested in what he had to say?"

"Coming from him? No." Vanessa shakes her head. "If you want to tell me anything about it, I'll listen. But I'm not gonna stand around while he throws stuff in your face."

She watches Charity's face. Her jaw juts forward as she mulls over Vanessa's words, probably deciding whether or not to trust them. "It's true, if you were wondering." Again, Charity glances at her for a second and then away again.

"Okay." Vanessa reaches over and squeezes Charity's thigh.

"That's it?" Charity laughs, without humour. "That's all you've got to say? ' _Okay'_?"

"Well, I thought there'd be more to come," Vanessa admits. "What do you want me to say?"

"Same as everyone else says?" Charity swallows, eyes firmly on the road. "That I'm a grubby little tart? A money hungry golddigger? That I deserve everything I get?"

Vanessa's already shaking her head. "Why would I say that? None of that's true, Charity. I don't need the details to know that's not true."

She notices Charity's chin wobble before she sniffs, wiping her nose with her sleeve. She laughs again, gentler this time. "Well, you'd be the first, babe."

Deciding not to respond verbally, Vanessa just squeezes Charity's thigh again. Charity's hand comes to cover her own and the next thing she knows, they've pulled over into the same layby they stopped at on the way up. Charity turns the engine off and they sit in silence, looking out at the view. The sun is higher now, washing the colours out and bleaching everything in its powerful glare.

"I got pregnant when I was thirteen," Charity says, without looking at Vanessa. "My dad took the kid off me and chucked me out onto the street to fend for myself." Vanessa's eyes fill with tears, and she threads their fingers together on Charity's leg. "From there I made the rounds of the family I knew until I'd outstayed my welcome. After that I...well, you heard what Carl said." Her eyes flit to Vanessa's and she looks away, shaking her head and trying to pull her hand free. "I'm not after your pity, Vanessa."

"It's not pity!" Vanessa protests, quickly wiping at her cheeks, holding Charity's hand tighter. "You've just told me some horrible things that happened to you and that makes me sad. I don't like to think about people hurting you or making you sad. It's not pity."

Charity takes a moment to process this and sighs. "Yeah, well, buckle up, buttercup, because it's gonna get worse."

She spends the next twenty minutes telling Vanessa about her life on the streets. How she'd been so hungry, she'd let some bloke touch her in return for a sandwich. How it went on from there, where she had so few choices available to her that she'd had to keep doing it. How a police officer had started sniffing around her when she was fourteen, promising all sorts. But that he'd turned out to be a bad'un. Vanessa feels like there's more to that than Charity's letting on, but she doesn't push. She just holds her hand, feeling the tension increase during particular bits of the story. Eventually they reach the point where Charity talks about meeting Tom King.

"He picked me up one night after I'd been ill. I hadn't been able to work, and not working meant not eating, so I was almost falling down from hunger. He took me to a caf, bought me a fry up and a coffee." She smiles at the memory. "Afterwards I asked him what he wanted, but he just wanted to talk." She sighs. "He said he'd seen more meat on a butcher's pencil and that he was worried about me."

"Sounds like a line," Vanessa says, without thinking.

"It does," Charity agrees. "And believe me, I thought it was to start with. Especially after that prick of a copper. But it turned out to be true. He started picking me up regularly, but he never wanted to, you know." She shrugs. "He was lonely. His wife was dead and his sons had their own lives to be getting on with." She looks over at Vanessa. "He had a daughter and he hadn't been around when she was growing up, so I think maybe I was his way of making up for that."

"Is that how you ended up on the farm?" Vanessa prompts.

"Yeah, he gave me a job and moved me in," Charity smiles. "His boys were  _not_ amused at that."

Vanessa frowns. "But- if it was never, you know-" She lifts her eyebrows. "-sexual, then how come you ended up marrying him?"

"Oh, he was determined that I make something of myself," Charity said. "He'd bought the farm when he'd retired from the haulage firm, reckoned his boys would balk at the idea of early mornings and hard graft. So he said we should get married and he'd leave it to me. I told him he was being daft, but he talked me round. Pretty persuasive he was, when he wanted to be. Had spent his life negotiating business deals." She sniffs. "Course, everyone round here assumes I seduced him and forced him to sign everything over."

Vanessa shakes her head. "It's not fair," she whispers, fiercely, her hand tightening around Charity's. "That they judge you without knowing you."

"Well, babe, it's not like I've exactly been inviting folk over for tea and sharing this stuff with them, is it?" Charity scoffs. "They see what they see; me with an old bloke who left me a farm that should've gone to his sons. And, thanks mostly to my own family, most folk in the village have an idea of my past, so, you know, they draw their own conclusions."

"What? So they know you were thrown out on the street at thirteen and had to fend for yourself however you could?" Vanessa asks.

"My family know how old I was. Most other folk just know what I did. What I was." Charity looks out over the dales. "I've been called every name under the sun." She swallows and bites her lip. "And, somehow, it still hurts every single time."

Vanessa's positive she's never felt so angry on behalf of another person in her life. And she's taken on quite a few crusades in her time when she's felt something was unfair. But this is another level of rage. Her fury climbs up her throat and clogs it, preventing her from speaking. Charity appears to take this as a bad sign and she withdraws her hand.

"So, now you know." She shakes her head. "You probably know more than anyone else does. So I'll understand if you-"

Vanessa finds her voice. "If I what?" she challenges. "You think you can tell me all this and it'll somehow make me not want to be with you?"

"That's kind of the standard reaction, babe." Charity smiles sadly. "No hard feelings, eh?"

Pushing down the hurt she feels at Charity assuming she'd be like every other lowlife who heard even a fraction of this story and then turned away, Vanessa shakes her head. She points out to the spot where they'd stood admiring the view earlier. "When we were over there this morning, I was thinking that I couldn't imagine anything more perfect than being in your arms, kissing you. And I still can't.  _Nothing_ you've said has changed that." She takes Charity's hand again. "Charity, hearing what you've been through, it- it only makes me admire you more. It shows me how strong you are, how hard you've had to work to get yourself to this place and keep everything going." She smiles. "You're amazing."

Charity looks down, shaking her head. "No, I'm not."

"Well,  _I_  think you are," Vanessa says, touching Charity's chin and turning her face around. "I've never known anybody like you in my whole life."

"I think that's probably a good thing," Charity says, but Vanessa's not daft; she can see the hope in her eyes.

"All my life, I've wanted to fit into the neat little spaces that people put me in. I've done what's expected of me so as not to upset my mum. I hid my feelings so as not to frighten off girls I've fancied." Vanessa sniffs and blinks away tears. "But with you, Charity, I can be myself. I think maybe I didn't properly know who I was until I met you, if I'm honest."

Tilting her head, Charity frowns. "I can't imagine you being anything other than you, babe." She wipes at her face and gives Vanessa a watery smile. "You really want to stick around? Even after hearing all that?"

Vanessa leans across and gently presses her lips to Charity's. "I'm going nowhere."

* * *

They're in the pub one evening with the boys, when Ross suggests a game of darts. Vanessa's heart sinks. When it comes to activities involving hand eye coordination, she's rubbish. "Uh, do we have-"

Ross interrupts her. "How we picking teams? Eeny meeny miny mo?"

"I think we'll just go boys against girls, yeah?" Charity says, bumping Vanessa with her hip.

"Fine with me," Pete says, getting wiping down the chalk scoreboard and writing their names at the top.

"Me too," Ross hands over a set of darts to Vanessa and wiggles his eyebrows. "Shirts versus skins? Bagsy me and Pete are shirts."

"Shut up, you," Vanessa tells him, eyeing the set of darts in her hand warily.

"We'll give you a hundred point start if you like?" Ross offers. "To even things up, like."

Charity scoffs and elbows him out of the way, taking the darts from Vanessa. She throws the three of them in quick succession; two twenties and a treble twenty. She turns back with a smug grin. "Got my own hundred, thanks." She retrieves her darts and comes over to drape an arm over Vanessa's shoulders. She nods to the board, still grinning at Ross. "Your turn."

With some grumbling, Ross takes his turn. As he's throwing, Vanessa leans in close, lowering her voice to speak to Charity. "You should probably have taken that hundred point start. I'm terrible at darts."

"Eh?" Charity frowns. "But you were a student."

"Well, yeah." Vanessa shrugs. "What's that got to do with anything?"

Charity appears genuinely perplexed. "But isn't that what students do? Go to pubs and drink cheap beer and play darts?"

Ross curses under his breath as he hits five instead of twenty, leaving him on a score of 85.

"The pub and the beer bit, yeah." She shakes her head. "Not the darts."

"How do you go through years of uni and not learn to throw a dart?" Charity hisses, just as Ross tells Vanessa it's her go. "And could you not have told me this before we picked teams?"

Vanessa turns back from her place at the oche and sticks her lower lip out. "You mean you wouldn't have had me in your team?"

Charity folds her arms and lifts her eyebrows. "Well, throw them darts and I'll let you know."

Turning back to the board, Vanessa concentrates on the twenty. She's not got a hope in hell of hitting the treble, or even the double, so the twenty's her best bet. She sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth and closes one eye. Moving her arm back and forth a couple of times, like she's seen blokes do on the telly, she lines up her shot and throws.

The dart bounces off the chalkboard and rebounds, embedding itself in the floor very close to where Pete is standing. He jumps back, earning a snort from Ross. Vanessa cringes, turning to view Charity's reaction. It's not good. She turns back, lining up her second shot, aiming much further to the left than she previously had. She doesn't hit the chalkboard, this time. She doesn't hit the dartboard either. The dart ends up lodged in the wall just below the board. Not a million miles away, though. She turns to Charity with a smile.

"That was closer!"

"Wouldn't be hard, love," Ross says. "That first one almost ended up in Hotten!"

"Leave her alone," Pete scolds. He gestures to her, moving his hand up and down. "I think the board's too high for her to reach."

"Christ," Charity mutters, striding forward and physically turning Vanessa back to face the board. Charity steps in behind her, pressed right up against her back. Vanessa feels the blood rush to her cheeks as Charity arranges her stance. Charity's chin is on her shoulder, her hand shaping Vanessa's around the dart. "Get a feel for the weight of it, yeah?" She makes a throwing motion with Vanessa's arm a couple of times. "Look along the top of the flight and line it up with where you want it to end up. And try not to jerk your arm." She makes Vanessa's arm go through the movement required slowly. "Follow through, make it smooth."

Ross elbows Pete. "This is better than them dirty pictures you printed off that website on Finn's computer."

Ignoring them, Vanessa tries to mimic what Charity had shown her, and Charity steps away, leaving her alone. She takes a breath and blows it out, trying to zero in on where she wants the dart to end up. She practises a few times and then throws. It hits the board. She spins around, thrusting her fists in the air.

"I did it!"

Charity tilts her head. "Yeah. A whole three points." Her face softens and she winks. "Well done, kid."

Vanessa does a little jump and flings her arms around Charity's neck, hugging her close. Over her shoulder, she sees Zoe Tate sitting at the bar, watching them. She doesn't look away when Vanessa meets her eyes, and it makes Vanessa's skin sit uncomfortably on her bones. She lets go of Charity and steps away, shoving her hands in her back pockets.

For the rest of the night, she tries to keep her mind on the people she's with. She joins in Charity's protests about cheating when Pete gets a hundred and eighty on his go and tickles Ross to distract him when he's throwing. But throughout the evening, she can feel eyes boring into her from behind, and she doesn't like it one bit.


	5. Out where only dreams have been (Burning both ends of the night)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The summer's almost over.

Later that same week, Vanessa's finishing off tending to the horses. She wipes her hands on her jeans as she heads out of the stable, but her eye is caught by two figures off to the side of the barn; it's Charity and Zoe Tate. They're standing closer together than Vanessa would like, and Charity's head is bent towards Zoe, like she's listening intently. There's an ugly jolt of jealousy that twists at her stomach and she swallows it down, knowing it's unwarranted. Whatever they're talking about, it's not an intimate chat. Charity's got her arms crossed and her mouth is set in a straight line. There's tension in her body, but she's not dismissing Zoe out of hand like she usually does. Whenever Zoe tries to speak to her about anything that's not directly related to the animals, Charity generally tosses out an insult or just plain tells her to get lost. But not now. It's unsettling.

She slips away before they can see her, going about the rest of her afternoon and trying not to think too much about it. But when she finishes and goes up to the big house like usual, there's something definitely not right. Charity's usually on her as soon as she comes through the door, protesting about her smelling like the animals, but kissing her nonetheless. Tonight she's just sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a glass of what looks like whisky. She doesn't look up when Vanessa enters.

"Alright?" Vanessa greets her, dropping a kiss on her hair as she goes to the sink to give herself a quick wash.

"Hmmm?" Charity finally looks up and meets her yes. "Yeah. Course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Dunno." Vanessa shrugs, scrubbing at her nails with the nailbrush. "You just seem quieter than usual."

For a second, it looks like Charity's about to say something, but she bites her lip and shakes her head. "Just tired."

"Right." Vanessa grabs a tea towel and rubs her arms and hands, coming to sit at the table with Charity. She taps her nail on the glass. "Unusual for you to be on the hard stuff."

Charity groans. "This is exactly what I need right now, Vanessa. A flamin' nagging wife."

Flushing at the rebuke, and at the thought of being Charity's wife, Vanessa decides to just ask about what she saw. "What were you talking to Zoe about earlier?"

Green eyes flick to meet hers with the speed of a switchblade. And they're just as sharp. Charity shakes her head. "Nothing." There's a warning sitting just beneath the word, telling Vanessa not to push it.

Vanessa lifts her chin, facing the coming storm head on. "Didn't look like nothing. Looked like you were pretty interested in whatever she had to say."

"Nothing that's any of your business," Charity snaps, snatching up her glass and making the liquid slosh over the side. "How's that?"

"Listen," Vanessa says, lowering her eyes, sensing this isn't going to go down well. "I know the two of you were, you know, involved at some point and-"

"Oh, you do, do you?" Charity tilts her head. "And what's that got to do with anything?" She smirks. "Jealousy's not a good look on you, babe."

Vanessa's face burns "No, that's not-" She shakes her head. "Ever since I came here, it's been clear that you can't stand her, but today you seemed-" She sighs, deciding to take a different tack. "She asked me out, you know."

_That_  gets Charity's attention. Her eyes widen. "Who? Zoe?"

Nodding, Vanessa clears her throat. "Yeah. Asked me out for a drink."

Charity stands, scraping her chair across the stone floor. She turns her back, moving over to the counter where the bottle of whisky is. She pours herself another drink, so Vanessa can't see her face when she next speaks. "When?"

"A while ago. Before. I mean, before you and me-."

"And you said no?" Her back's still to Vanessa, and her voice is steady, but her shoulders are too high to be natural.

"Course I said no!" Vanessa stands now too, moving closer to Charity. "I was already mad about you, wasn't I?"

Charity nods. She leaves her newly poured drink and moves to lean on the sink, looking out of the window. "She could- she could open doors for you, you know. She's got connections. She's loaded and-"

"And I don't care about  _any_ of that." Vanessa comes closer again, laying a hand on Charity's back, rubbing gently. "If I did, I'd have agreed to go out with her. I don't want to go out with her. I want  _you_."

Still Charity doesn't look at her. Her eyes are on something in the distance when she speaks. "Vanessa, you must know you'll have to leave here at some point." Her voice is soft and low, and there's a hint of a tremor in it. "You can't stay and be my farm hand forever."

It's the first time either of them have brought this up, though it's been sitting between them since the first time they kissed. This is a summer job. It's a temporary situation. Vanessa's just qualified to do something she's wanted to do all her life. She's known all along that this would never be permanent. But, since she found out that Charity returned her feelings, she's been quite happily ignoring that fact.

"No, but, there are things we can do." Her own voice is rougher than she expected it to be. "It doesn't have to mean we-" She can't even say the words. "We can-"

"We can see each other once in a blue moon and slowly drift apart like every other idiot who tries to do a long distance relationship, you mean?" Charity asks, a hard edge to her voice that's been missing for weeks, months.

"No! We can work it out." She clutches Charity's arm, as if she's afraid someone's going to tear her away right this second. "There's vets around here, jobs that I can-"

Charity pulls away, walking over to the empty fireplace with her arms wrapped around herself. "So you can throw away your whole life, everything you'd planned, for a summer fling?"

The words sting harder than if Charity had slapped her across the face. "That's not what this is."

Charity tips her head back, looking at the ceiling. "Come on, babe. This was always just gonna be a bit of fun. You knew that when we started it up." She looks over at Vanessa, eyes more guarded and distant than she's seen in a long time. "Just a way to pass the time, yeah?"

Vanessa's shaking her head. "No it's not. That's not what it is and you know it."

Charity shrugs. "Well, I can't speak for you, but that's what it is for me."

There's a certainty in Vanessa's heart that this is a lie. She  _knows_ Charity has feelings for her that go beyond a summer fling. Or even just sex. She knows it's deeper. They've shared things, they've talked and cried and clung to each other. It's not just a summer fling. But with Charity looking at her now, like she doesn't even see her, her throat closes up and all the words she knows are stolen from her tongue.

Turning away before her tears can fall, she makes her way through the dark, old house and out into the warm summer evening. Wiping at her cheeks, she hurries round to the cottage she's hardly been back to in weeks and weeks. Without bothering to greet the boys, she heads straight for her bedroom. Once the door is closed, her tears come in earnest, accompanied by sobs that wrack her entire upper body. She throws herself onto the neatly made bed, turning her face into the pillow, and she cries.

* * *

She lies there for hours, sending the boys away when they come with offers of tea and food; the sympathy is implied. She tells them she's tired and she just fancies an early night. She knows they don't believe her. She can picture Pete, with his big concerned eyes, on the side of the door, listening to her cry. Part of her wants let him in and let him wrap his strong arms around her. Another part of her wants to just tear his clothes off and ride him until she can't think anymore. That's what her solution to everything used to be; mindless sex with men she wasn't attracted to. But she can't do that to Pete. Or to Charity. Even the thought of it makes her stomach roll and she clenches her eyes closed to try and chase away the mental image.

* * *

It's well past two and she hasn't slept a wink. She's argued with Charity in her head dozens of times over by now. Practising the speech she's going to give her about how she  _knows_ that it's not just a fling they're having. And how she can get a job in one of the nearby towns and just commute to work and come home here every night. Or, even if she does have to venture further afield, she'll have days off. People make these things work all the time. She's definitely going to argue her case when she's sure she won't just crumble. When she's brave enough.

There's a soft knock at the window and Vanessa physically jumps at the unexpected noise. With her heart racing, she sits up, craning her neck to see who's outside her window in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere. Her eyes land on a head of tousled blonde hair and she relaxes. She gets up and moves to the window. Charity's standing with her hands shoved in her back pockets. Her eyes are puffy and red. Vanessa opens the window and leans on the sill. Their position means she's looking down at Charity for once.

"Did I wake you?" Charity asks.

"Wasn't asleep." Vanessa sniffs. "What's up?"

Charity sighs. "I'm sorry about earlier, okay. I shouldn't have said what I did."

Nodding, Vanessa tilts her head. "Why did you, then?"

"Zoe flamin' Tate had got inside my head." She rolls her eyes. "When you saw us talking earlier, she was telling me about a mate of hers who's starting up this big fancy veterinary centre in Dorset. She said it would be a great opportunity for you and that she could set up an interview with him."

Vanessa frowns. "And why'd she tell you and not me?"

Throwing her hands up, Charity shrugs. "Because she's twisted, babe. Always playing with people like they're her little toys." She moves closer, resting her hand on the windowsill, just short of touching Vanessa's arm. "I'm pretty sure she wanted to see if I was enough of a selfish cow not to mention it to you."

Vanessa nods slowly, as it starts to make sense. "So she could tell me later and drop in that you already knew and hadn't said anything?"

Charity huffs. "Wouldn't put it past her." She shrugs. "So. Now I've told you."

Shaking her head, Vanessa moves her hand to cover Charity's. "I don't want to go to Dorset, Charity. It's too far."

"And  _I_ don't want you to look back in a year or two and decide I held you back from doing something with your life." She turns her hand over gripping Vanessa's fingers. "You need to get out there, kid. Make your mark. You're brilliant and I can't keep you hidden away here forever. You'll end up hating me for it." There are tears shining in Charity's eyes. "And I couldn't stand it if you hated me."

Reaching out, she cups Charity's cheek, stroking with her thumb. She shakes her head. "I could never hate you. And this is  _my_ choice, Charity. You're not forcing me to do anything. I don't  _want_ to move that far away. I want to be near you. I want to see where this goes."

Charity sighs, shifting closer until her forehead is touching Vanessa's. "You need to think about this more. Promise me you'll think about it. Don't just decide now, and don't just decide based on us, yeah?"

Letting her eyes drift closed, Vanessa nods, her nose rubbing against Charity's. "I promise."

But her mind's made up.

Charity sighs. "So, you coming back ho-" She catches herself. "Up to the big house?"

After pressing a kiss to Charity's cheek, Vanessa looks over her shoulder and then back again with a cheeky smile. "You could come in here for a change."

Charity goes up on her tiptoes and eyes the bed with suspicion. "We'll never both fit in that tiny bed."

Vanessa lifts her eyebrows. "It'll be fun trying, though, won't it?"

Laughing softly, Charity shakes her head. "Fine. Stand back." She hoists herself up on the window sill.

"What are you doing, you daft cow?" Vanessa hisses. "We've got a door!"

"Well, I'm here now," Charity grumbles, accepting Vanessa's hand so that she doesn't fall flat on her face as she clambers over. "Anyway, bit more romantic this way, isn't it? Climbing in windows for a secret night of passion."

"Bit more like a serial killer, you mean?" Vanessa says, making sure Charity's on solid ground before letting go of her hand. "And I don't know how secret it'll be if you're as loud as you usually are."

Charity gasps. "Hark at you! You're hardly quiet yourself, lady."

Vanessa laughs as Charity grabs her by the waist and pulls her close. Their lips meet gently at first, and then with more insistence as Charity walks her backwards to the bed. The backs of her thighs hit it and she sits down, ending their kiss abruptly. Scooting back, she tugs on Charity's hips, encouraging her to climb on. When Charity tries to lay her back, they both have to twist so as not to hit the wall and they giggle as they arrange themselves on the far too small surface.

"Maybe you were right," Vanessa confesses, lifting her head to kiss Charity's chin. "This bed  _is_  too small."

Charity hums as she dips to press kisses just below Vanessa's ear. "We'll make it work," she whispers. "I like a challenge."

And they do. And they only fall out of the bed once.

* * *

Things are better after that, more like they were before. Until the day Pete finds her in the stables and tells her that Charity needs her up at the house urgently. She drops what she's doing and hurries up there. There's a car she doesn't recognise in the drive and she makes her way inside.

"Charity?" she calls out.

"In the kitchen."

She heads through, somewhat relieved to hear that Charity's voice sounds normal; not worried or panicked. She wonders if maybe it's a lunch or something that Charity's had Marlon make for the pair of them as a treat. But when she gets into the kitchen, she's surprised to see a bloke she's never laid eyes on before sat at the table with Charity, drinking a brew. He's a bit older than they are, maybe in his mid-thirties. He's what Vanessa's mother would describe as 'portly', with red cheeks and dark eyes that crinkle at the edges when he smiles.

"Oh," Vanessa's eyes flit between the pair of them. "I didn't know we were expecting visitors."

The man stands up and holds out his hand. "Jim Herriot." She frowns and he rolls his eyes. "I know. Don't get me started on the ribbing I got at uni for that."

She shakes his hand, smiling tentatively. "Vanessa Woodfield." She looks at Charity again, quirking her eyebrows in question.

"Jim's Zoe's mate," Charity explains, not quite meeting Vanessa's eyes. She stands and goes over to the kettle, speaking with her back to both of them. "You know the one I told you about? The one setting up the practice in Dorset?"

Vanessa's stomach goes cold; this whole thing is a set up. She takes a step backwards. "Up here visiting Zoe, are you?"

"Well, not quite," Jim says, his warm smile fading a little. "I was in the area doing some interviews and Zoe called me to say that you might be interested in one of the positions we've got going. Said you were not long graduated. We're dead keen to nurture new talent, you see, so I said I'd stop by and-" He rubs the back of his neck, glancing at Charity. "I was sort of under the impression that you knew I was coming, if I'm honest."

"No, Jim, I wasn't." Vanessa glares at Charity's back. "Someone's misled you there."

"Right." He nods. "So you wouldn't be interested in-"

"Yes, she is interested," Charity says, bringing another cup of tea to the table and setting it down. She looks meaningfully at the seat nearest to Vanessa. "Babe, why don't you sit and have a chat, eh? What harm can it do?"

"I don't want to waste this nice man's time, Charity," Vanessa says, through gritted teeth.

"Listen, there's obviously been some sort of misunderstanding," Jim says. "So, I'll get out of your hair and-"

Charity all but shoves Vanessa into the chair and slides the brew over to her. "You promised you'd consider this properly, Vanessa. Now's your chance." Charity turns and smiles at Jim. "She's all yours."

With that, she leaves them alone, staring awkwardly at each other. Jim slowly sits back down, on the very edge of the kitchen chair, like he might need to escape. He looks in the direction Charity left in and then leans closer to Vanessa.

"Uh, I hope I'm not overstepping here, but your boss is a little...odd."

"That's one word for her," Vanessa mutters. Feeling sorry for this poor bloke who's been inserted into a situation he didn't ask for, she relents. "Look, Charity thinks I'm missing a big opportunity by not entertaining the idea of coming to work with you, and I've told her that I don't want to move that far away from her." She catches herself. "Here. Far away from  _here_."

At her slip, Jim's eyebrows go up. "Ah. I see."

"What do you see?" Vanessa asks. Years of denying her own feelings automatically put her on the defensive.

Jim takes a sip from his cup, looking over the rim at her. He sets the tea down and leans his elbow on the table. "When I was at uni, I did a placement on a farm up near the border." His eyes are somewhere over her right shoulder as he reminisces. "There was this big, strapping Scottish lad who was there for the summer an'all. Beautiful, he was. The reddest hair you've ever seen, and freckles big as footballs." He makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger to indicate how big they were. "I thought he was-" He stops and shakes his head. "Well, I'm sure you get the picture."

As he talks, Vanessa finds herself leaning closer to him, pulled in by the genuine happiness the story seems to give him. "And was he-" She lifts her eyebrows. "Did the two of you, uh-"

"Oh, we got up to all sorts round the back of that cowshed," Jim says, with a laugh. "Learned quite a bit on that placement, I have to say. And not all about cows, mind." He smiles softly. "Made a lot of nice memories that summer."

Vanessa shifts in her seat, shoving her hands underneath her thighs. "And I suppose you're going to tell me that's what I should be doing? Chalking this up to experience? Leaving it behind and getting on with my life?"

Jim sits back in his chair and sighs. "What I'm saying, Vanessa, is that I still wonder what might have been." He shrugs. "Maybe big Robbie from Roxburgh was the love of my life. We'll never know."

"So," Vanessa draws the word out in question. "You're saying I should stay here? With Charity?"

"I'm saying it's your choice to make," Jim tells her, kindly. "Don't let anyone make it for you. Whether they've got your best interests at heart or not. You make the best decision for  _you_ , love."

Tears well in Vanessa's eyes; that's not something she's ever done. Her decisions have always been based on what she  _should_ be doing. What her mother regarded as the right thing to do. Until she made the snap decision to come here for the summer. That was the first time she'd stepped outside the norm. And she'd kept doing it. And it felt  _great_.

"I will, Jim," she says. "Thank you."

He nods and picks his tea up again. "But, since I'm here, we might as well have a chat about your experience, eh?" He winks. "Doesn't hurt to keep some doors open, just in case."

* * *

They spend the next hour or so in easy conversation. Vanessa had planned to give minimal answers so that he wouldn't feel compelled to offer her a job at the end of it. Unfortunately, her instinctive need to please rushes to the fore and she finds herself answering his questions honestly and fully, laying out all of the experience she had gained over her time at uni, her volunteer work and her summer jobs. When Jim glances at the clock on the wall and exclaims at the time that's passed, they both get up and Jim gets himself sorted to leave.

She walks him to the door and he turns when they reach the step.

"You know I have to offer you a job, don't you?" he says, his tone verging on apologetic. "I'd love to have you on board down at my place. You're just the type of person we're looking for."

She smiles up at him. "That's really sweet," she nods. "But I have to say no. I can't spend my life wondering if I gave up something wonderful."

"I get that," he says. He opens his arms. "Can I give you a hug?"

"Course!" She throws her arms around his neck. "Thank you. You really helped me get my head straight."

"There's a first time for everything, I suppose," he says, pulling away with a wink. He holds onto her hand, squeezing it. "I'm sorry we won't be working together, but I'm thrilled you're making the right choice for you."

From the corner of her eye, she sees movement off towards the stables; Charity's lurking by the door, trying to look like she's not watching them. She goes up on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek.

"I am."

He takes a card out of his pocket and hands it over. "And if you ever need a job, or even if you're just in my neck of the woods for a visit, give me a call. We'll grab a cuppa and a chat."

"Will do. Thanks again." She slips the card into her back pocket, stepping with him as he heads to his car. He winks and waves at her as he reverses and turns, beeping his horn as he trundles down the access road. She stands waving until she can't see his car anymore.

"That all looked very cosy," Charity remarks from behind her. There's too much sarcasm in her tone for Vanessa's liking. Especially after what she'd done. She spins around and finds Charity stood with her arms crossed.

"You're the one that invited him here," Vanessa points out. "And now you're mardy that I liked him? You're not jealous, are you?"

"Oh, as if," Charity protests with a roll of her eyes. "He was camper than a row of pink tents." She lifts her eyebrows in question. "How did the interview go? Took you long enough."

Vanessa shakes her head, laughing incredulously at Charity's attitude. "You had no right to go behind my back and bring him here. I take it you and Zoe got your heads together and arranged this, yeah?"

"Oh, Vanessa, stop making it out to be something it's not." Charity sighs. "I knew you weren't gonna give this opportunity a single thought. So I did something about it for you." She shrugs. "You're welcome, by the way."

"I'm  _welc-_ " Vanessa's almost spluttering with rage. "How  _dare_ you think you can make decisions about my life? How  _dare_ you think you know what I need or should do better than I do?"

"Because I don't want to be the thing you regret, okay?" Charity's eyes are blazing. "I've had enough regrets in my own life to know that, six months down the line, you'd be wishing you bit that bloke's hand off."

"You don't know that," Vanessa tells her, shaking her head. "You  _can't_ know that."

"Did he offer you the job?" Charity asks, ignoring Vanessa's fury.

"That's none of your business," Vanessa says. "Despite what you seem to think."

"He did, then," Charity nods, and for just a second, her mask slips and Vanessa sees the sadness behind her eyes. "Good. What was your answer?"

Vanessa clenches her teeth, reluctant to have this conversation while she's still so angry. "I told him I didn't want it. I told him I was staying here."

Charity throws her hands up. "Just like I said! You've not even given this a second's thought!"

"I have." Vanessa crosses her arms. "I've already told you I don't want to go to Dorset."

Letting her head fall back, Charity glares at the sky. "Vanessa, you're being handed a great opportunity on a plate. Things like this don't happen every day, you know. You can't put your life on hold for me."

"I'm not putting my life on hold," Vanessa protests. "And even if I was, I'd be doing it for  _me_." Vanessa's eyes sting. "I'm not a little girl, Charity. I can make my own decisions."

When Charity meets her eyes, there's a blankness to them that makes Vanessa's stomach hurt. Charity crosses her arms and tilts her head. "Well, how about I make this one easy for you?" Charity hesitates, just slightly, but then pushes on. "You're fired."

"What?" Vanessa takes a step back. "You're not- you can't-"

"I can. And I just did." Charity presses her lips together. "I'll give you a week's wages in lieu of notice so you can get yourself in order. After that, you'll need to find some other way to make money." She nods to the house. "So you better go and phone big Jimbo back and tell him you'll take his job."

There are tears streaming down Vanessa's cheeks now and she has no way to stop them. She shakes her head. "Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away when you  _know_ what we've got is-"

"Is what Vanessa?" Charity tilts her head. " _Love_? Is that what you're going to tell me now? That you love me?"

_Yes_ , Vanessa's heart shouts.

"I-"

"I'm the first woman you've been with," Charity says. "You've finally let yourself feel the things you were afraid to feel before, and that's making you think that you'll never meet anybody like me again."

"I  _won't_ ," Vanessa insists. "I don't want to meet anyone else."

Charity comes closer and cups her face, wiping at her cheeks with her thumbs. "You are amazing, Vanessa. Women will be queuing up to go out with you. Nice, normal women who'll treat you well and who haven't got more baggage than the carousel at Heathrow."

In spite of herself, Vanessa laughs. "I don't want normal," she says. "I want you. You make me laugh. I'm happier when I catch sight of you coming across a field." She grabs Charity's hand and places it on her chest. "My heart it...it beats a bit faster."

Charity's thumb strokes across the skin of her chest and for a moment she thinks she's won her round. "It's just new, babe," she whispers. "That's all. It's new and it's exciting, but it'll fade." She briefly leans her forehead against Vanessa's. "It always does."

"It doesn't have to, though!" Vanessa grasps Charity's arms, afraid to let her go. "We can make it work. I know we can."

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Charity shakes her head. "We can't." She pushes Vanessa away, stepping back out of her reach. "Go to Dorset, Ness. Go and live your life. You'll soon forget all about me."

When she turns to leave, Vanessa's almost sure she sees a tear escaping from her eye. But then she's gone and Vanessa's left in the yard. She's never felt more alone.

* * *

She's been face down on her bed in the cottage since she got back, sobbing into her pillow. There's a knock on her door and she ignores it. But her crying must be loud enough to genuinely alarm the boys, because after a few seconds, she hears the door opening. Quickly turning on her side, she faces the wall, rubbing at her face. The bed dips and a large hand lands on her calf, rubbing gently.

"You alright?" Pete asks.

"Oh yeah, fine and dandy, me." She sniffs and looks over at him. His warm blue eyes are kind and it's enough for her to dissolve again. She sits up and throws herself at him, burying her face into his neck.

"Lucky get. I  _knew_ I should've come in first," Ross comments from where he's leaning against the door. She hiccups out a laugh and holds Pete tighter. He strokes her back and mumbles awkwardly comforting words until she's got herself sorted enough to sit up on her own.

"What's she told you?" she asks, looking to Ross. He'll give her an honest answer.

"That you've got a new job in some fancy place down south," Ross says with a shrug. "Way she was talking, I thought you might be a bit happier about it than this."

"She didn't tell you she sacked me, then?" Vanessa says, standing and moving over to look at herself in the mirror. She looks a right state. Plucking a tissue out of a box, she blows her nose.

"Sacked you?" Pete asks. "Why the hell did she do that?"

Vanessa shrugs and blows out a breath, looking at herself in the mirror. "Because she thinks this job in Dorset is a great opportunity for me and she doesn't want me sticking around here just because of, you know, me and her."

"That's actually pretty noble for Charity," Ross says, he nods at Pete. "Look, our Pete's getting all misty eyed at how romantic it all is."

"Shut up, you," Pete says, getting to his feet.

"I'm not the one who was sobbing at  _My Best Friend's Wedding_ , am I?" Ross continues, squawking when Pete shoves him out of the room.

"I said shut it." Pete slams the door and turns his attention to Vanessa, taking her by the shoulders. "How do you feel about all this?"

She lifts her shoulders and lets them drop. "Doesn't matter, does it?"

"Course it matters!" Pete says. "You've got to, I dunno, tell her how you feel, or-"

"I have done, Pete," she interrupts, before he can go on. "She knows how I feel about her. She knows I want to stay here and see where things go between us. But she's insisting that it's just a fling and that I'll regret staying."

"A fling?" Pete barks a laugh. "I've seen Charity have flings, and this isn't how it looks, believe me."

"Well, she's made her mind up. And mine for me." Vanessa sniffs again, wiping at her nose. "She doesn't want me to stay."

"I'm gonna talk to her," Pete says. "Maybe she just needs to hear it from somebody else."

She catches his arm as he passes, tugging him to a halt, shaking her head. "Please don't. She'll only think I've put you up to it. And it won't make her change her mind."

Pete's big frame deflates, his shoulders hanging low. "I hate seeing you like this," he confesses. "You're like this little ball of sunshine that came into all our lives and made everything brighter. And I  _know_ Charity feels the same way about you as you do her. I know it."

That's the thing, though; Vanessa knows it too. She's seen it in the way Charity looks at her in a way she doesn't look at anyone else. She's felt it in the tenderness of her fingers when they caress her. It pours out of her when they're twisted together beneath sweaty sheets, unable to get close enough to one another. She  _knows_ how Charity feels.

"Yeah, well, it's not enough." Her voice cracks and she lifts a hand to cover her mouth, incredulous that she has any tears left to cry. Pete sighs and gathers her into his arms, holding her and rocking her back and forth, telling her everything will work out in the end.

She wishes she could believe him.

* * *

The next morning, Charity's nowhere to be found. The horses have all been seen to by the time Vanessa and the boys get up, so Charity's obviously been on the go for hours before heading out to God knows where in the pick-up. Vanessa goes through the morning milking barely registering what's she's doing. Ross comes up to her when they're finishing up, shaking his head.

"You're a better man than me," he says. "If she'd binned me the way she did you, I'd have been out of here last night."

Vanessa frowns. "She said she'd give me a week's notice."

"Yeah, that means she'll pay you a week's wages," Ross says. "Doesn't mean you actually have to stay and work the week." He bumps her shoulder with his. "Get yourself out of here, kid. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you like this."

"I don't think she feels any satisfaction," Vanessa says, automatically defending Charity. "She's just-" She sighs. "She's just trying to do what she thinks is right by me. I know that."

He nods. "Like I said, that's a big thing for Charity. She's usually a selfish cow." He holds his hands up when she glares at him. "What? I'm only telling the truth! She must  _really_ like you if she's not cooking up some scam to keep you here forever."

"She doesn't need to," Vanessa says with a shrug. "I want to stay."

"Maybe if you go, it'll show her what she's missing?" He bats his eyelashes. "I've left a few girls pining for me over the years. I bet half the girls in Manchester tell stories about what might have been."

"Or about how they had a lucky escape?" She smiles at his fake hurt, even as her throat goes tight.

She's going to miss this idiot, she realises. She'd been so focused on missing Charity that she forgot she'd be leaving Ross and Pete behind an'all. And Paddy and Chas and all the other people in the village she's come to know and like. It's the first place that's really felt like it could be a home. Growing up, after her dad left, her house never felt much like a home. It was a place she ate and slept and did her homework, but that was about it. At uni she was shifted around to different halls and then flats, never settling with any group of people for long. But Emmerdale felt like it fit her, right from the beginning.

Patting Ross's arm, she sniffs. "I've got to go and make a phonecall." And before she can make another show of herself, she heads out of the barn and up to the big house.

Her hand is surprisingly steady as she punches the numbers from Jim's card into the phone in Charity's kitchen. It rings a couple of times and then Jim picks up with a friendly greeting.

"Hi, Jim? It's, uh, it's Vanessa Woodfield."

"Vanessa! I didn't expect to hear from you this soon," he says. "What can I do you for?"

She swallows, closing her eyes. "I'd, uh, I'd like to take you up on the offer of that job. If it's still going, that is."

There's a pause and she knows he's weighing up what her acceptance means. She hopes to God he doesn't offer her any sympathy right now, because she's not sure she's got the energy to cry any more tears.

"Job's yours if you want it," Jim says. "This is...quite a change of heart." He clicks his tongue. "Sorry, that was a terrible choice of words."

She sniffs and nods. "Yeah, the heart's still the same," she confirms. "But I...don't have a job here anymore, so-"

"Oh, love." Jim's voice is soft and she looks to the ceiling to try and stop the tears from falling. "If it's any consolation, it really does seem like she's trying to look out for your best interests."

"Yeah," Vanessa says. "So she keeps telling me."

"Well, you can start whenever you want. We could use a spare pair of hands, or six, right now. With all the set up and trying to get things in order for the opening." He sounds like he's trying to keep his voice light for her. She's not sure if it helps or makes things worse. "And you're welcome to stay with me till you find yourself a place. I'm rattling around in a big house all on my lonesome. And you know I don't swing your way so you wouldn't have to worry about that side of things."

She lets out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. "Thanks, Jim. That's really kind of you. I just have to get a few things sorted out at this end and then I'll call you back to make arrangements if that's okay?"

"Course, love," he tells her. "You do what you need to and we'll look forward to welcoming you into our mad little family down here."

They say their goodbyes and she hangs up the phone, taking a minute to centre herself.

"You took the job, then?"

She spins around at the sound of Charity's voice. She didn't hear her come in and she has no idea how long she's been stood there, listening. She lifts her chin, determined to be strong. "You didn't leave me with much choice, did you?"

Expecting a snappy comeback, she's surprised when Charity just nods. "I know you're annoyed now, but you'll look back and be grateful I did this."

"You know, I'm really fed up of you telling me how I'm going to feel about things," Vanessa says. "For all you know, I'll go down there and I'll hate every second of it."

"Maybe," Charity admits. "But at least you'll be out there. Not stuck here in some tiny village with the first girl who paid you a bit of attention."

Vanessa recoils, stung. "Is that really what you think?" she whispers. "That I'm so desperate for someone to like me that I'll just cling on to the first person who comes along?"

Pushing herself away from the doorframe, Charity approaches her, but stops a good few feet away. "How will you ever know if you don't go and try something else?"

She wants to scream at Charity. She wants to take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. She wants to tell her that she's let blokes paw at her and grind into her for  _years_ because she was looking for something even  _close_ to what they've found together. She nods.

"I'll be out of your hair tomorrow," she says, her voice strangely strong. "I've got to get some stuff together and say some goodbyes. If that's okay with you."

"Course it is, babe," Charity says, with a half smile. "Take your time."

And that's it, apparently. That's all she's got to say about Vanessa moving to the other end of the country. Vanessa nods and moves around Charity to head out of the kitchen.

"Ness?"

She stops and turns, surprised that Charity spoke again. "Yeah?"

Charity's jaw works and then she bites her lip, shaking her head. "Nothing."

The lead in Vanessa's heart drags it a bit further down in her chest, sitting heavily on top of her stomach. "Fine."

With her head high, she leaves Charity alone in the kitchen.

* * *

She spends the rest of the morning packing up her stuff. She leaves the suitcase and boxes sitting in her bedroom ready to go into her car the following morning. She tries not to think about how she'll be on the move  _again_ , with the sum total of her possessions barely filling her boot.

Jumping in her car, she heads down to the village. There's a couple of people she wants to say goodbye to. She parks outside the vets and heads up the path. Pearl's at the desk reading a People's Friend when she gets in and she smiles at the sight.

"Hi Pearl," she says, getting her attention. "Paddy in?"

"Yes, he's through the back," Pearl says, trying to make out like she was busy with some paperwork. "D'you want me to get him for you."

"Uh, yeah, if he's not busy," Vanessa says, clearing her throat that's already clogging with emotion. Everything's 'the last time'. She shouldn't give a stuff that this is 'the last time' she'll catch Pearl skiving.

"Paddy!" Pearl yells, giving Vanessa a fright. "Visitor!"

Paddy comes through from the examining room and smiles brightly when he sees her. "This is a surprise," he says. "We've barely seen you recently. Thought Charity was holding you prisoner up there."

She swallows and tries to return his smile. "Not quite," she tells him. "I'm, uh, actually moving on. Got a job down in Dorset and I start at the beginning of next week, so, yeah." She shrugs. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

"Wow," Paddy says, his smile gone. "Well, I mean, that's great, obviously. For you, I mean. With, you know, the job and that." He shakes himself, pasting on a smile. "No, it's brilliant. Honestly." He darts forward and pulls her into a hug, crushing her against his chest. Just as quickly, he lets her go, adjusting his glasses. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be inappropriate."

"You're fine, Paddy," she says with a smile. She'll miss his awkward bumbling. "I wanted to say thank you for letting me in on some of the procedures and that up at the farm. It's been really great seeing both sides of things."

He nods and looks at the floor. "You know, if we'd been able to afford it, I'd have offered you a job here." He smiles at her. "Maybe you'll come back and we'll be flourishing and we'll be able to take you on, eh?"

"Yeah," she chokes out. "Maybe." She clears her throat and blinks back tears, going in and giving him another hug. "I have to uh-" She points to the door. "Bye." With a final wave at Paddy and Pearl, she blindly shoves the door open and stumbles out into the light. She blows out a shaky breath. If that's how hard it was with Paddy, how's it going to be with Ross and Pete? She closes her eyes, unwilling to even imagine saying goodbye to Charity.

"Vanessa!" The plummy voice goes right through her and she grits her teeth. Opening her eyes, she sees Zoe getting out of her car in the drive. She smiles as she approaches. "Jim called earlier to let me know you'd taken him up on the offer of a job." She grasps Vanessa's forearm and squeezes. "I'm so happy for you. This is such a  _wonderful_ opportunity for you when you're just starting out. Congratulations."

Vanessa nods, removing her arm from Zoe's hold. She doesn't say anything in response, still unsure if her voice will work properly. Zoe tilts her head, lowering her eyebrows.

"You seem upset, Vanessa." She moves closer and Vanessa steps back. Zoe looks at her with that smug smile that makes Vanessa feel about twelve. "Listen, if you're concerned about having to leave behind certain  _connections_ you've made here, I wouldn't worry. You've definitely made the right choice." She leans in, as if sharing a confidence. "It's best you don't get in any deeper than you already are. Things never work out with that sort of person and you'd be-"

"' _That sort of person'_?" Vanessa spits. "Who? Charity? And what  _sort of person_ is she?"

Zoe appears taken aback that Vanessa has challenged her. "Well, I'm sure you know what I mean. Her past is-"

"Is  _her_ business," Vanessa interrupts. "Not mine, and certainly not yours." She's angry now. Angry at this whole situation, which was engineered by this person stood in front of her. She shakes her head. "Charity is the most amazing person I've ever met. She's caring, and loyal, and funny, and clever, and strong." She looks Zoe up and down. "Which is more than I can say for you."

"Look, darling," Zoe says, dropping her friendly facade. "You're not the first person to fall under Charity Dingle's spell and you won't be the last. I'm only trying to save you from that car crash and get you a good start in your career. Is that so terrible?"

"I  _really_ wish people round here would stop thinking they know better than I do what's best for me," Vanessa rants. "Whatever you said to Charity has twisted her up inside and made her push me away. And I don't know if it's because you want her for yourself-" Zoe scoffs and rolls her eyes. "-or if you just don't want her to be happy with anyone else, but whichever it is, you better back off, lady." She advances on Zoe now. "She deserves to get on and live her life without smug bitches like you interfering in it, trying to keep her down. She's amazing. She's wonderful. And she's a million times better than the likes of you."

"Well said, love."

Vanessa spins around to find Chas standing there, grinning. Zoe mutters something under her breath that sounds like 'good riddance' and slinks into the surgery. Chas walks up the path to meet Vanessa.

"You know what's going on, then?" Vanessa asks.

"Yeah." Chas sighs. "Had our Charity crying on my shoulder a few times this week."

The confirmation that this is hurting Charity as well makes Vanessa's throat ache. "Why's she doing it, Chas?"

Chas shakes her head. She nods to the surgery door. "Because, all her life, she's had people like that telling her that she doesn't deserve to have nice things happen to her. She's had blokes tell her she's worthless, including her own father." She squeezes Vanessa's shoulder. "And she thinks you deserve better."

"But she- I-" Vanessa finds herself unable to articulate how wrong that is.

"I know," Chas says, quietly. "I tried to tell her, but she was adamant about not keeping you here." She shakes her head. "She thinks the world of you, you know. I've never seen her like this over anyone." She winces. "Sorry, that probably doesn't help."

Vanessa sighs. "I think it does a bit," she decides. "I mean, it hurts, obviously. But it's good to know I haven't totally invented this in my head. That she does- she feels-" Wiping at her nose, she tries to smile. "Thanks, Chas. It was really nice getting to know you these past few months."

"You too, flower," Chas says, opening her arms for a hug, which Vanessa accepts. Chas squeezes her tight and whispers in her ear. "Don't give up on her, eh? You never know what the future could bring."

Nodding, Vanessa buries her face in Chas' shoulder and holds her tighter.

* * *

The boys find her later, sat on the wall outside the cottage, kicking her heels against the old stones. Ross has a crate of beer on his shoulder that he sets down next to her and jumps up to join her.

"Thought we'd give you a classy send off," he says, handing her and Pete a can each and taking one for himself. "Few cans, bit of banter. Sorted."

She smiles, opening her beer and holding it up for each of them to knock theirs against.

"Cheers." She takes a long drink, enjoying the chilled beer after sitting in the sun.

"We would've suggested a game of darts at the pub, but they've not installed that step stool yet," Pete says, leaning his hip against the wall. She slaps his shoulder, with an affronted gasp.

"We can't all be seven foot three, you know," she tells him.

"And some of us can't even be five foot three," Ross puts in, earning himself a slap as well.

"I'm gonna miss the pair of you," she admits after their laughter dies down. "You've really given me an insight into what it must be like having two big brothers."

Ross groans. "That's just what I've always wanted. A hot girl telling me I'm like a brother to her."

"Well, I take it as a compliment," Pete says with a soft smile. "And we're gonna miss you too."

"Yeah," Ross agrees. "It'll be a bugger to go back to cooking every second night instead of every third."

She laughs but it's caught inside a sob, which is followed by another and another. She sets her beer down and covers her face with both hands. "I'm sorry," she mumbles. "I didn't mean to-" Two sets of strong arms encircle her and she does her best to wrap her arms around their backs, letting herself cry.

There's a cough a little distance away and they break the hug, both boys turning away and wiping at their faces. Vanessa's eyes meet Charity's and she's struck, as she always is, by how beautiful she looks. Charity offers an apologetic smile.

"I, uh, don't want to interrupt this love fest," she says. "But I just-" She stops and swallows. "I wondered if you might want to come up and have a glass of wine with me? Just to, uh-"

"Oh," Vanessa says, glancing at the crate. "The boys were going to-"

Pete sweeps in and cuts Vanessa off, helping her down from her perch on the wall. "You go on. We'll catch up later, yeah?"

"Yeah." She nods at Charity. "Okay."

She mirrors Charity's stance, hands in the back pockets of her jeans, as they walk up to the big house in silence. They head for the kitchen, where Vanessa busies herself finding two glasses while Charity gets the wine from the fridge. Vanessa stands quietly, while Charity finds a corkscrew and opens the wine, pouring them each a glass. She puts the bottle down and hesitates.

"I'm sorry if this is, you know, making it worse," Charity says. "I just didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye."

"It's not," Vanessa assures her, even though that's a lie. Being this close to Charity, knowing that tomorrow she'll be hundreds of miles away, is torture.

Charity nods and hands her a glass, lifting the other one. "To new beginnings, eh?"

Nodding, Vanessa clinks their glasses together. "Cheers."

They sip their wine in silence until Charity breaks it.

"I am gonna miss you, you know," she says, quietly, looking into her glass. "None of this was about me  _wanting_ you to go."

Vanessa sighs. "Yeah, I know." She leans back against the counter, beside Charity, so their arms are touching.

"And I hope-" Charity's voice cracks and she clears her throat, swallowing. "I hope you won't forget this. Us. I hope you look back on it and smile. Because I will."

"Oh, Charity," Vanessa murmurs, taking both their glasses and setting them down. She moves to stand in front of Charity, taking her hands and squeezing until Charity meets her eyes. "I could never forget you." She shakes her head. "And we don't need to look back on it. We could still make a go of it. People do, don't they? We can phone, and visit, and-"

"Until you realise there's plenty better folk closer at hand in your new place?" Charity shakes her head, dropping it forward to rest against Vanessa's. "No, babe, best we just cut ties now. Easier for everyone in the long run."

"Is it?" Vanessa asks. "Because I can't see how it's going to be easy at all."

Charity sniffs. "Let's just be grateful we had this time together, eh? Something good to look back on."

"Charity," Vanessa whispers. She nudges Charity's nose with her own until their lips meet in a soft kiss.

She lets her hands slide over Charity's hips, up under her shirt, trying to imprint the softness of her skin on her memory. Charity's hands become more insistent on her own body, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Vanessa moans when Charity's hand cups her breast, but she pulls away from the kiss, asking a question with her eyes.

Charity presses her lips together. "One last time?"

After all the hurt and anger of the past few days, Vanessa wants to say no. She wants to preserve her dignity and walk away, showing once and for all she can make her own decisions. But the desire to be with Charity is stronger than her principles and she nods. They both need this. She slides her hand down Charity's arm and tangles their fingers together, gently tugging her towards the stairs.

* * *

They take their time that night. Touches linger, kisses melt into more kisses, tears mix on cheeks as they whisper promises and reassurances to each other. It's well into the night when she finally falls asleep in Charity's arms, spent and sad and resentful of the sun that's already starting to come up, bringing with it a future she doesn't want to arrive.

* * *

When she wakes up the next morning, later than she normally would, she's alone. It's not totally unexpected, but it still hurts. Glancing over at Charity's side of the bed, she notices there's a note and a small wrapped gift sitting on the pillow. Surprised, she pushes herself up onto her elbow and picks them up, turning so that she's sitting against the headboard with the gift in her lap.

The note is just a bit of paper ripped out of one of the many order pads that Charity's nicked from the Woolpack to jot down things to remind herself. It's folded in two, so she takes a deep breath and opens it up to find Charity's messy, looping scrawl taking up most of the page with very few words.

_Sorry babe, had to go to town early for the market. Have a blast in Dorset. Send us a postcard of the seaside. Knock 'em dead, kid._

_Charity x_

It's short and perfunctory, and exactly what she should have expected from a goodbye from Charity. They said all they could say last night with their bodies. It's probably better this way. Not that it stops the tears from falling, of course. They've already had their last kiss. She's touched Charity for the last time. And she never knew it was the last time.

Sniffing, she turns her attention to the present. There's no tag to indicate it's for her, but it was left with the note, so she assumes it must be. She rips the paper off and her fingers make contact with worn leather. She knows what it is before she's even got the thing fully unwrapped. It's Charity's copy of The Secret Garden from the loft in the stables.

She runs her fingers over the gold embossed lettering on the cover, tracing the S and the G before turning to the inside cover. There, in much neater script, Charity's written an inscription.

_Exactly the colour of the sky over the moor.  
_ _C  
_ _x_

Closing her eyes, Vanessa lifts the book to her nose, inhaling the smell of it that's now associated with Charity, rather than her childhood. She knows this is meaningful and she loves it. But she'd much rather be staying here and reading it aloud to Charity as they sit out in the garden of a summer evening.

* * *

She passes the morning walking around the farm, looking at views she enjoys and saying goodbye to the animals she's come to think of as friends. She rubs Deirdre between the ears and thanks her again for being a good listener. She goes round each of the horses in turn with a bag of apples, slipping each of them a treat and a nose rub, until there's only one stall left.

With a sigh, she moves over to greet Lennox. She knows he won't take the apple from her, but she wants a word with him anyway. He turns around at the back of the stall with a harrumph when he sees it's not Charity.

"Well, hello to you too, mister," Vanessa says with a rueful smile. She leans her arms on the door and watches him. "I'm sure you'll not be too devastated to hear that I'm leaving. But I just wanted to tell you to look after Charity, yeah? You need to keep showing her how much you trust her, okay? You need to keep showing her how kind and caring you think she is, and then maybe one day she'll actually believe it." She rubs her nose and sniffs. "I wanted to stay and make her believe that somebody could love her, but I can't, so you need to do it for me. Do you hear?"

Her throat closes up and she leans her forehead on her arms, letting herself cry for her lost future. A warm blast of air on her arm makes her look up and she's shocked to find Lennox has approached her. She's even more surprised when he bumps his nose against her shoulder, as if he's comforting her. Tentatively, she reaches up and rubs his neck, and he lets her. She offers the apple with her other hand, and he delicately gobbles it up before trotting away.

"Thank you," she whispers, with a smile. "Now I know she's in good hands." She takes a deep breath, drinking in the warm, clean smell of the stables and nods as she stands up straight. "Bye Lennox."

* * *

"That's the last of it," Pete says, as he deposits the final box in the boot of her car. Ross reaches up and closes it and it feels final. She's really going.

"Right," Vanessa says, giving them the brightest smile she can manage. "This is it, then."

"We, uh, got you something," Pete says, nudging Ross, who goes and grabs a gift bag from behind the wall. "It's not much. We didn't have much time, like."

Ross holds out the gift bag. "It's whatever we could find in  _David's_ , pretty much." He shrugs. "But there's chocolate and wine, because that's what birds like when they're going through a break-up, innit?"

She laughs and takes the bag, glancing in and finding all manner of chocolate bars and two bottles of wine. "It's brilliant, thanks," she tells them, carefully jamming the gift bag between a suitcase and a box on the backseat. She looks between them, not really wanting to say goodbye, but knowing she has to. Ross rolls his eyes.

"Right, come here." He grabs her in a hug, lifting her off her feet and twirling her around. She clings to him, her face pressed into his neck, until she feels him pull away. His eyes are glassy when he does. "Me and you. Glastonbury. Next year, yeah?" She nods. "And if you happen to find a fit girlfriend in the meantime, and she needs to come with us and we all need to share a tent, that's fine too."

Groaning, she shoves at his chest. "I'll see what I can do." She turns to Pete, surprised to see tears freely running down his face. "Oh, don't," she scolds. "You'll set me off an'all!"

He grabs her in a hug, lifting her up like Ross had done. But he has no cheeky quip for her. He just squeezes her tight and sets her back on her feet and wipes his face. "Right, well, keep in touch, yeah? And drive carefully." He sniffs as she opens the driver's side door. "And Ness?" She looks over at him. "Come back and visit. We'd all love to see you.  _All_ of us."

She nods. "I will." She gets into the driver's seat and starts the engine, letting it settle down before she pulls the door closed and rolls down the window. "Behave, the pair of you. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"No promises there," Ross says, slinging an arm around Pete.

"Bye," she whispers, unable to push any more of her voice through her clogged throat. She gets the car into first gear and sets off. The boys run behind the car for a bit until they're knackered and then they stop, waving until she can't see them anymore.

She can barely see for tears by the time she's reached the end of the access road. She barely makes it half a mile before she has to pull into a lay-by and let it all out. Leaning her arms on the steering wheel, she cries. She cries for the home she felt like she'd found. She cries for the friends she knows she's made. She cries for the version of herself that she'd finally acknowledged and grown to love. The  _real_ her. She found herself in Emmerdale and part of her is terrified that she'll leave that part of her behind when she passes the village sign for the last time.

Most of all, she cries for Charity. She cries for everything they were and everything that they could have been. And they could have been something truly special. She knows it. For all Charity thinks she's not experienced enough to make informed judgements on this stuff, she knows she's never felt like this in her whole life. And she's sure she'll never feel like this again.

* * *

After a while, she gets her crying under control. She dries her face and stretches over to the back seat, grabbing a Wispa out of the bag of goodies the boys had given her. She can't have the wine, but she can bloody have the chocolate. She finishes it in about four bites and throws the crumpled wrapper on the floor, putting the car in gear again and pulling out onto the road. Her breath is still shaky in her chest, but her eyes aren't blurry anymore.

She's only a mile or so outside the village when an obnoxious beeping starts up behind her. She frowns and looks in the mirror. She almost swerves off the road when she sees it's the pick-up from the farm. It's far enough behind her that she can't quite make out who's driving, but then Ross' head and torso pop out of the passenger side window and he waves wildly at her as the driver continues to lean on the horn. The truck draws nearer and she finally sees Pete's driving. Her heart lifts into her throat when she sees Charity sat beside him, holding onto Ross's belt and giving him a right ear-bashing by the looks of it.

"Pull over, kid," Ross yells. "You're about to be in a scene from one of them romcoms our Pete pretends he doesn't like."

Vanessa's heart is hammering in her chest and she pulls over at the first opportunity, into a passing place. The truck pulls in behind her and Ross gets out, pulling Charity with him. Vanessa swallows down her nerves, and her hope, and gets out to meet them. She walks around to the back of her car, where Charity's standing awkwardly, glaring at Ross. Pete comes over to join them.

"Did-" Vanessa takes a step closer to Charity. "Did you want to say something to me?"

Charity looks up, and their eyes meet for the first time today. It's clear Charity's been crying, maybe as much as she has. But the vacant, guardedness that's been around so much lately is absent, and her eyes are clear.

"I, uh, yeah." Charity coughs, shoving her hands in her back pockets. "I-" She stops and looks over at Pete and Ross. "D'you think we could maybe have a bit of privacy for this?"

"I dunno, Charity," Ross says, shaking his head. "How will we know that you're telling her what you told us back at the farm?"

"What else am I going to tell her now you've dragged me all the way out here?" Charity snaps.

"I don't want you telling me anything you've had to be dragged kicking and screaming to do," Vanessa puts in.

Charity rolls her eyes. " _Fine_. Maybe I didn't need that much persuading, alright?"

Pete relents. "C'mon." He pats Ross' back. "Let's give them a minute, yeah?"

Ross points at Charity. "You better tell her. I'll be watching."

Sighing, Charity nods. "I will if I can get a word in edgeways with you yacking on." They both watch Pete lead Ross away to the other side of the truck, round the back of it and out of sight. Charity turns back to her with a sigh.

"What is it you want to say to me?" Vanessa asks again.

Charity takes Vanessa's hands into her own and squeezes them, looking into her eyes with all the bravado and artifice gone. She inhales deeply before she starts speaking. "I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here, with me. I know that's selfish and I know I have no right to ask,  _especially_ since I've been the one pushing you away, but I just-" She looks down between them, shaking her head. "I want you to stay."

Vanessa's heart is racing. This is everything she's wanted to hear for weeks. But she has to be sure. "Why now?" she asks. "Why wait till now to say this? Did the boys push you-"

"The boys found me in the cowshed, sobbing my eyes out," Charity says, in a rush. "And then I spilled my guts to them and next thing I know we're in a high speed car chase trying to find you." She steps closer, squeezing Vanessa's hands again. "I think I'd maybe made myself believe the stuff about this being a fling. But then, this morning, when I saw you lying next to me and knew it was the last time-" Charity's eyes fill with tears. "Well, there was no denying anything anymore."

Freeing one of her hands, Vanessa cups Charity's cheek and catches a tear with her thumb. "So what is it, if it's not a fling?" She's aware she's pushing hard, here. But she feels she deserves it, after all the hurt she's been through.

"You  _know_  what it is," Charity mumbles. "It's me wanting to wake up with you every morning. It's me wanting to bring you tea after you've been sat up all night with sick cows called Vera-"

"Deirdre," Vanessa corrects, pressing her lips together when Charity frowns.

"Vera. Deirdre. Elsie flaming Tanner. Whatever." Charity sighs and shakes her head. "I want to do all the stupid couple things with you. I want you to stay." She swallows. "I'm asking you to stay with me."

Vanessa nods and smiles. "Of course I'll stay with you. I never wanted to go in the first place, did I?"

Charity closes her eyes, eyebrows slanted in relief as she pulls Vanessa into her arms and holds her tight. "Oh, babe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," Vanessa assures her, pulling back enough to bring their lips together. "It's alright," she whispers between kisses.

A wolf-whistle cuts into their haze and they pull apart. Vanessa presses her smile into Charity's shoulder as Charity yells at Ross to get stuffed.

"Why don't we take your car back, yeah?" Pete offers. "We can unpack your stuff for you."

"Unpack it at the big house," Charity tells him, her cheeks flushed.

"Will do, boss," Pete says, giving Vanessa a smile.

"We're taking back the wine and chocolate," Ross tells her as he gets into the car. "Don't think you'll be needing them anymore."

"Oh, wait!" Vanessa says, slipping out of Charity's hold and darting over to her car. She climbs into the backseat, grabbing the copy of The Secret Garden off of the top of one of the boxes. She grins at the boys, leaning between the seats to kiss each of them on the head. "Right, you can go now. And thank you for doing this. It means the world to me."

"You're welcome." Pete tells her. "Glad you're sticking around, kid."

Ross doesn't even make a sarcastic comment in response, just offers her a wink and a grin as she clambers back out of the car. Pete does a three point turn and heads back the way they'd come, leaving Charity and Vanessa alone. Vanessa saunters back towards her, the book pressed to her chest.

"Well, who'd have thought it, eh? Charity Dingle, chasing me over hill and dale."

Charity lifts an eyebrow. "Feeling a bit smug, are we?"

Vanessa narrows her eyes, holding up her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. "Maybe a little bit. It's not every day an incredibly beautiful woman pursues me and begs me to stay with her."

"Uh, there was no begging, thank you," Charity protests. Off Vanessa's doubtful look, she relents. "Okay, maybe just a tiny bit."

"I did my fair share of begging you to let me stay," Vanessa concedes. "So I'd say we're about even, yeah?"

"S'pose you'll be wanting your job back," Charity asks. "For now."

"Maybe," Vanessa pretends to consider it. "Will this job come with any perks?"

"Perks?" Charity slides her hands down Vanessa's back, cupping her bum and squeezing. "Oh, there are perks."

"Hmmm," Vanessa says, tilting her head. "And it comes with bed  _and_ board, yeah?"

Charity smirks. "Bed and board." She kisses Vanessa. "And more besides."

"S'pose I'll take it, then," Vanessa says, slipping her hand behind Charity's neck to draw her into another kiss before taking her hand and dragging her over to the other side of the road, away from the truck.

She looks out across the expanse of green in front of them as Charity wraps her arms around her from behind, settling her chin on her shoulder. In the distance, she can make out Holdgate, green and luscious and shining in the sun. The trees carry just a hint of warm russet now, just on the edge of turning. The air carries a suggestion of coolness. They've reached that precarious time when summer is on the edge of falling into autumn. Vanessa breathes it all in and smiles, leaning back into Charity, enjoying the sun on her face. Charity takes the book out of her hand and flicks through it. Vanessa watches her turn the well worn pages until she finds the page she's looking for, and she starts to read aloud, her voice soft by Vanessa's ear.

_Sometimes, since I've been in the garden, I've looked up through the trees at the sky and I have had a strange feeling of being happy, as if something were pushing and drawing in my chest and making me breathe fast. Magic is always pushing and drawing and making things out of nothing. Everything is made out of magic, leaves and trees, flowers and birds, badgers and foxes and squirrels and people. So it must be all around us. In this garden - in all the places._

Vanessa smiles and turns in Charity's arms, looking up at her. "The farm's your garden, isn't it?"

Charity's eyes briefly drift over her shoulder to look in the direction of the farm. She smiles softly. "If it is, then you're my Dickon. You're the one who made me see the magic in it all, Ness." She touches the tip of her finger just beneath Vanessa's eye. "You with your eyes exactly the colour of the sky over the moor."

Vanessa laughs, feeling her cheeks flush at the familiar words. She shakes her head. "And if I helped you see the magic, it's only because you let me in." She winds her arms around Charity's neck, leaning into her. "I found myself because you let me into your secret garden."

"I think that sounded a lot more filthy than you meant it to, babe," Charity murmurs, brushing her lips over Vanessa's cheek.

"Oi," Vanessa says. "I'm trying to be, like, poetic here."

Charity draws back with a smile. "I don't need poems or fancy words, Vanessa. I've had them before and they don't mean anything." She bumps her forehead against Vanessa's. "I just need you." Laughing, Charity drops a peck on her lips. "You were  _so_ not what I was expecting when I put that notice up in the pub."

"Better than you were expecting, I hope." Vanessa asks, with a wink. "Even though you thought I looked more like a secretary than a farmhand?"

"So much better," Charity confirms, pulling Vanessa closer. "Come here."

Their lips come together, and it's such a relief that kissing Charity no longer holds within it the pain of imminent separation, but instead the promise of a future together.

* * *

For years to come, Vanessa will think back fondly on that long, hot summer. She set out from uni, not really knowing what she was looking for. She found a home. She found Charity.

And she found herself.


End file.
